Due 3/30: Writing Assignment

[dorkelf]

Assignment Guidelines: Write a first person narrative for a female character.

[EDIT: Here is an excellent Wikipedia article on the first person narrative form:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First-person_narrative ]

Submit your entry of 500 words or less by posting to this thread directly, or pm your entry to me and I will post it anonymously. Anyone who submits an entry is required to critique at least one other entry. After the contest closes, voting will take place for 1 week. If you are reading this, PLEASE VOTE, for the sake of our contestants. Voting is open to EVERYONE. Heck, go find some illegal aliens and log them in. The more votes we have, the more fun this is for our contestants. Thanks in advance for your participation.

Paul

[Lazarus]

Whilst I've been spending most of the preceeding time rounding up illegal aliens for the voting, the guidelines left me a bit puzzled.

But hey, openness is always good. I ripped off a couple lines from C$'s story, btw. (Serves you right!)

Title: Plagiarism is key.

Needles clicked briskly as I sat in the living room, knitting a scarf for Dorkelf.
Our phone began to ring.
“Honey, would you get that?” my husband called.
I dropped my work and picked up the cell.
“MM, get over here now!” Tek7 yelled. The line went dead.

“Paul, CGA is in trouble!” I called, throwing aside my needles in favor of a Glock.
“I’m coming.” he answered, grabbing an MP5 off the kitchen table.
“Don’t forget the - “
“I got ‘em!”
Dorkelf handed me the bag of minion cookies as he came out.
“I just took ‘em out the oven for you.”
“Thanks, sweetie.”

I ran to the garage and then stopped, slack-jawed. Our GTO was missing, leaving only the tiny smart car.
“Honey…”
"Er, sorry, Dear, but the GTO is in the shop, I'm afraid," Dorkelf stammered.

I groaned as Dorkelf drove down the street at an amazingly fast 20MPH.
“At least we’ve got the Roadster model.” he offered, trying to make up for the incompetence of the “vehicle”.
“Just drive, Paul.” I told him. “If we’re lucky this golf cart might get from point A to point B.”

We finally got to HQ and rushed into the server room.
“Sorry we’re late - did we miss anything?” I asked.

C$ gave me a knowing look as he sipped his soup. “Did you bring milk and cookies?”

HCS walked into the room behind us. “What’s going on?”
“A security leak, somewhere.” Tek7 growled.
“Really?”

HCS smirked, raising his rifle. “Look no further than - “
I drew my Glock and pointed it at Dorkelf.
“Just step over there with the others, honey.”

“What are you doing, MM?” he cried.
C$ attempted to rush HCS with his soup bowl and was knocked to the floor. He struggled to get up - then froze as HCS stuck a gun barrel in his face.
“Are you sure you want to do that, Soup?”
"As sure as I am that Cool Whip is a smooth, creamy sensation that will leave your taste buds wanting for more.” C$ answered, grabbing for the gun and getting knocked onto the ground again for his pain.

I tossed my bag of minion cookies toward them.
“Eat. Now.”
“You heard the lady.” HCS growled, shoving Tek7 and Dorkelf toward the cookies with his rifle.
“Mirawyn!” Dorkelf gasped in shock. “How - how could you do this to me? Your husband!”

I chuckled slowly, reveling in the moment. “Dorkelf, you feeble men could never comprehend the female mind.”

As HCS reacted furiously to the insult, I coldcocked him with my Glock.
“Now eat or die.” I ordered.
They slowly and sullenly began chewing.
“Enjoy it - I put macadamia nuts in those cookies just for you, Tek7.”
“I hate macadamia nuts!” Tek7 jerked out, swallowing the cookie over the bile rising in his throat.

I laughed victoriously. With the cookies eaten, they - were - mine..

[tjguitarz]

Whoa dude crazy. Plagiarism IS key. Good story.

Pros.
Good dialogue and great 'movements behind the dialogue' so all the talk doesn't get boring.
The humor was nice (see note below)

Cons.
Too many questions left remaining. Why were they forced to eat minion cookies?! I don't get it :-(
The note about the cool whip made me be like, "meh."

[tjguitarz]

Also, I'm not going to be able to compete in this contest either. I've got too much going on with my book, and no time at work to type something up. BUT, my last day of work is this Friday (then I move back to school), so you can count on my participation the following months.

[Neirai the Forgiven]

1000 posts, TJ! w00t!

[Lazarus]

I believe someone else is going for 1000 posts...

TJ, thanks for the critique.

Con 1: Well, I ran out of words(limit 500), but MM made them eat the cookies so she could take over CGA.
Con 2: Blame C$, he's the one I ripped it off from.

[tjguitarz]

1000 posts, TJ! w00t!

http://www.cgalliance.org/forums/showthread.php?t=20653

I'm such a beast.

[dorkelf]

As HCS reacted furiously to the insult, I coldcocked him with my Glock.
“Now eat or die.” I ordered.
They slowly and sullenly began chewing.
“Enjoy it - I put macadamia nuts in those cookies just for you, Tek7.”
“I hate macadamia nuts!” Tek7 jerked out, swallowing the cookie over the bile rising in his throat.

I laughed victoriously. With the cookies eaten, they - were - mine..

Lol, nice humor writing Lazarus. Sorry that I didn't post any details or advice about exactly what I was looking for here - you've got the basic idea, but let me add a link to an excellent Wikipedia article on first person narrative form:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First-person_narrative

One other quick note: since some of our folks are too busy to do the contest right now, I've extended it by a week.

Paul

[tjguitarz]

One other quick note: since some of our folks are too busy to do the contest right now, I've extended it by a week.

Awesome. I've always wanted to be a girl.

[dorkelf]

Awesome. I've always wanted to be a girl.

I TOLE you what would happen if you kept reading those Shakespeare sonnets!

Paul