Family Problems again

R

rustom

Tribe of Judah Dota2 Chapter Leader
Hey everyone long story short, My dad was worried where mum was since he didn't know if he was going to pick up my siblings or mum would. When I came home earlier from college (8pm), they were still not home for another half an hour and it turns out that mum did pick up the kids and took them to work. So my dad shouted at mum (they're still not right with each other after past incidents) and ended up throwing things at her but thank God that it was nothing deadly.

It's getting really hard with them since they both shout nasty things at each other and they're so angry and hurt (including physical) that they cannot make true peace. I do pray that they would know their wrongs and would seek God through this.
 
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Thank you :)

I don't know what happened, but they seem to be ok now, unusually ok.. But praise God! There are still things that need sorting out but we can find rest in Him during struggles and times of need.
 
Sent it up.

Next time they start yelling and trying to hurt each other, call the police. That is not a healthy or normal relationship. They need help of some sort and it usually takes outside influences to make them see that. When children call the police because of arguments, it tends to get the parents attention.
 
I got really angry when I heard dad throwing things up to the point where I was going to knock him out, but thankfully God took away my anger. I will try and phone for help if something like this happens again. But thanks everyone for your prayers!
 
Just an update instead of creating a new thread. I've been quite hesitant in posting this but I don't really want to go through it alone.

A month or so ago, my parents got into another heated argument which caused my dad to go off to his boat for the day and my mum to make the decision to move out. At that time I had no idea what to do, I wanted us to just stay and try and sort things out, but my dad just doesn't trust mum any more - that and other unfortunate events that have been going on for years, so I thought that it might be best if they had some time apart. Ever since then, we've been living at a friend's house, me, mum and my siblings.

About a week after that, mum and dad had a talk and it seemed to be going well (they were, however, discussing agreements on separation) until my mum phoned dad to ask for bank details to sort out their joint bank accounts (I think, anyway) which invoked my dad into thinking she was trying to take all his money; he called the police and told them about the incident (the day we moved out) trying to make them arrest mum since she was in the kitchen on that day and she had a knife when dad was about to throw her out. However, he was arrested and went to a court hearing last week and was pleaded not guilty. This has been producing a lot of stress for mum and she's currently off sick from work and trying to get us a new place.

Since then he has been talking to people that mum knows, telling them that she's been having an affair with the friend we are staying with now or with someone at work (all of which are not true) and he is trying to take us, or at least my siblings, into his custody and making it so that mum works and provides for them - which I believe is a misunderstanding on his part because during their talk the week after we moved out, my mum said it would be really helpful if he was willing to help her look after us financially but I think my dad thought that she said he had to work for us (he makes assumptions a lot). We know all this because he talks to some other friends of ours who talk to my mum about what's been going on.

On a brighter note, the church we go to have been very supportive of mum and have been praying for us during this time. Also, mum has been reading the bible more on her own now which is really encouraging.

Mum and dad have both made terrible mistakes in the past and it hasn't been getting any better for them over the years which makes me wonder if they should really divorce. I do have some concern as to what will happen in the upcoming days/week but there is also peace in the Lord and I will call on His name no matter where we go.

Please pray for them both, for their physical and spiritual care as well and that truth would win out. Thank you
 
Praying.

While it is a duty of love to do everything we can to help our parent's relationship those choices, like their relationship with Christ, is ultimately up to them. Don't run away from trying but accept you can't force them either. Do what you can and then, whatever may happen, remember it was their choice and not your fault.

While I am here how did your uncle's heart problems work out? /hope I didn't miss a post XD.
 
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Thanks, I will try my best.

He has passed away now. The thing is though he was a muslim but I have no idea if he turned away from that during his time in hospital.
 
rustom said:
He has passed away now. The thing is though he was a muslim but I have no idea if he turned away from that during his time in hospital.
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Condolences :(

I had a few thoughts about your situation and a warning. Should the opportunity arise, listen to them, speak the truth in Christ but do not allow yourself to lose your temper. When confronted with their faults often a person's nature is to provoke that person with their own sins. To turn the argument away from themselves, or dealing with the truth, and on to you. To provoke rage to justify their own. We all fail and sin, remain calm and accept you have. Yet one's sins do not justify another's. It's akin to the unjust hated African Americans have sometimes borne. It is not justification for them doing the same. My sin does not give permit for another to sin and even when I do fail it is not an excuse to give up trying.

I cannot speak of your situation, because I'm not in it, but I can speak on my views on marriage (though FYI I never was married). Marriage is a promise of love and it's not about her but me. Even if she was stealing my money, cheating on me and stabbed me in the back I would still love her because I made a promise. Her sin should be irrelevant to my love. Christ did not save us because of who we are but because of who HE IS. He made a promise of love and even though "I" tortured and crucified him he still loves me. It is perhaps an impossible goal for us to achieve such selflessness in Marriage but it's still what we should strive for. (Side note: Why am I always reminded of random songs on posts like these X.X ). The flip side of that is we still have a responsibility to righteousness (a.k.a. God) that is higher than our love for each other. There is a user in this forum that had a messy divorce. His wife gained custody of his children and from hate lead them away from Christ while outright telling them lies about him. If I thought my wife was leading my children away from Christ I would have to fight her for custody. Again I don't know where your situation falls, I cannot and should not remotely judge it, but I do know what marriage should be.
 
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Thanks for your insight again mighty gebril, it's much appreciated :D

To be honest, I've been tempted to get angry and hate dad for sometime, and an urge came up when I heard about what he has been doing but as again, God takes away all of that which I am really thankful for.

I wholeheartedly agree on your views and do wish that my parents would we see it that way but I don't think he's made his commitment to Christ which I pray for continually.
 
My heart breaks for you and your family as I read this post, though I am also greatly encouraged that the local church has rallied around your mom to support her. I spent my teenage years in a church that I can't imagine doing the same, so it's reassuring to know that you all have a body of believers you can turn to for at least some help.

All I can say is pray, man, pray. I could get all fired up about Prosperity Gospel and start slamming people who teach that life is kittens and sunshine for people who obey God, but I'll refrain. Life is messy because people are sinful. And while Christians are freed from the ultimate penalty of sin and the power of sin (in that they have the Holy Spirit to help them combat sinful desires), we are not freed from the presence of sin until we go home to glory. Heaven will be beyond wonderful in that respect alone, but God has work for each of us that He wants us specifically to do and that's why we're still alive.

I'm struck by how little I can do from behind a laptop, but then I'm reminded how Scripture so often speaks on the power of prayer. So I will be praying and trusting that the God who made heaven, earth, and man will continue working through His people, bring you peace, and bring glory to His name in all this terrible sadness.
 
Thanks Tek, I deeply grateful to you and every who is praying about this.

An update: I just got back from work and heard that my mum and my siblings had not come back from a birthday party they went to earlier today. The friend who is letting us stay with him said that dad rang my mum's friend (the mother of the kid who was having the party) which caused mum extreme anxiety that she locked herself in the toilet for some time then left to go to her other friend's house with my brother and sister and left that house again some time later.

After attempting to get in contact with her, she messaged me saying that they were at the church which we were relieved to hear. I'm not sure what happened during the party, they are still at church and haven't been in touch since but still, I'm thankful that surely God is watching over them and that the other church members are with them.

EDIT: they came back just now.

Apparently one of my mum's co-workers at the nursing home invited her to go to this service at a different church to the one we usually go to (this was after she left the birthday party) and they played songs, preached, and prayed. Praise God :D

It seemed that the phone call that dad made was about asking if mum and the twins were at the house (friend's house that is) so that he could take my brother and sister but he is allowed to at the moment as he is on bail or something from the court, so he is prohibited from contacting any of us in any way; but he's trying to work around that through other parties such as his sister and mum's friend earlier, we think anyways as she has not received a letter from court saying dad is allowed to contact us again.

Please continue to pray, especially for mum as she does have health issues and this hasn't been doing her much good (health-wise). Again, all of your prayers are deeply appreciated.
 
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Hi everyone

We'll be moving out to an apartment later on which is nice since we do not want to prolong our stay at my mum's friend's house. We'll be going to court in two weeks on the 30th of this month and I'm getting worried and anxious about what will happen but I think this is a great opportunity to let suffering take its effect, to lean and grow closer to God so that we can face any circumstance both now and in the future. The Psalms have always been there to relate to and to take refuge in our God who holds everything in His hands.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, I will report back here again once the court hearing has passed.
 
rustom said:
We'll be going to court in two weeks on the 30th of this month and I'm getting worried and anxious about what will happen but I think this is a great opportunity to let suffering take its effect, to lean and grow closer to God so that we can face any circumstance both now and in the future. The Psalms have always been there to relate to and to take refuge in our God who holds everything in His hands.
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Man, it breaks my heart to read this. I probably don't know you well enough to say this, but it seems that you have a gentle spirit and that makes the news all the sadder.

Still, knowing that you're leaning on God's Word and on God to make your way through suffering gives me hope that you'll make it through and come out stronger on the other side. It's awful going through suffering, but clinging to God is much, much, MUCH better than turning away from Him when life is cruel.
 
Hi everyone,

Thought I'd just post a few updates. The court thing went well and it wasn't what I was expecting at that time, we gave our testimonies about what we saw and did on that day and that was pretty much it. Joy accompanied my anxiety as I was in a quiet room and praying while waiting for my turn.

My dad was not found guilty of anything and has his bail released so he can talk to us again. The thing is though, when he contacted me the following day he told me a few things and defended himself - and that he didn't want any of this (post of our moving out) to happen. I got confused and irritated but I decided that what has happened, has happened, I don't hold anything against what dad or mum has done. I guess their focus is moving on. Unfortunately, however, it looks like they are going to follow through with the divorce.

Please also keep praying for my mum and dad's physical condition as it doesn't seem to be going better for either of them. And more importantly, our spiritual condition. Thank you, so much :)
 
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Keep relying on Christ and you can make it. When there is nothing left he alone remains with hope. Hang in there Rustom.
 
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