Writing challenge for DECEMBER/JANUARY

dorkelf

Active Member
If you have the admin privileges, please sticky!

This thread is now in the SUBMISSIONS phase. Please do not post critiques or comments until I post that it has entered the CRITIQUE phase.

The story idea: Take a chapter from something you have written, or from a story someone else has written. Rewrite the chapter in 300 words.

When writing flash fiction, its a good idea to let yourself write a longer story and then cut it down to 300 words. This process will teach you a lot about how to get your ideas across to the reader...and how to eliminate ideas that are not necessary to your story.

The time to write is now! Support the cgalliance writing community with your participation!
 
Ainulindale, a legend from the Simarillon

I had fun making a 300 word rewrite of a legend from Tolkien's great work. I left the last line exactly as Tolkien masterfully wrote it and preserved a few other phrases. I think it was a good exercise in that it made me really think through possible phrasings to end up with what was as brief yet as artfully descriptive as possible for 300 words.

Ainulindale: The Music of the Ainur

In the beginning Iluvatar created the Ainur, Holy Ones, and put music into their hearts. The music inspired them to sing, and this Iluvatar delighted to hear. The song quickly revealed to them the creator’s beauty and unfathomable intellect, but only slowly did they come to understand each other. So when it came to pass that a new song was lifted up by the Ainur, one among them, Melkor, conspired to interject a counterpoint of his own selfish matters. Thus Melkor created great discord that is yet heard and will be until the end of the ages.

Iluvatar then showed the Ainur a vision of a new world wrought by their song, inhabited by the Children of Iluvatar: the Elves and Men. He showed them many other things high and low, but not all things. So while Melkor looked upon this world desiring to make subjects and servants of its dwellers, and the other Ainur who faithfully served Iluvatar gazed endlessly to behold wonder after depthless wonder, there came upon them all a new thing they perceived as Darkness, and into it Iluvatar created the World that Is, and at its heart an Imperishable Flame.

Many of the Ainur entered into Ea, the World that Is. These, the Valar, were surprised to behold not the all-fulfilled vision they’d been shown. Instead they found a world at its beginning, even before the coming of the Firstborn. Only their great labors could bring about the vision. But ever meddling in all labors was Melkor, and so naught had peace or lasting growth. Yet their efforts were not in vain, for slowly the Earth was fashioned and made firm. And thus was the habitation of the Children of Iluvatar established at the last in the Deeps of Time and amidst the innumerable stars.
 
I'm not sure if this counts as the original story was only 1100 words but I decided to try to cut down that first piece I posted on here. I took some of the critiques from before and tried to integrate them into the story.

I am alone. All that remains is my story.

Ash covered everything leaving abandoned vehicles like ashen gargoyles before empty castles. The trees were all gone to the pyre. The temperature plummeted; the people were bound like a quilt of many colors, pushing shopping carts of useless mementos from the horror of the city to uncertain fates beyond. The world moved on that day.

A woman crossed the street, once overweight now anemic and sallow. Her quick and fearful gait made an obvious target.

A scoundrel followed her with envious eyes. An ash covered sweater failed to hide his emaciation or the smell of blood so thick like sucking on batteries. The city was full of sounds, of gunfire and violence in the distance.

At the sound she quickened, pulling a package close to her bosom. Stepping over a corpse without a second glance she climbed toward her sanctuary. She fumbled as the feral man rushed toward her took hold of the bag and sprinted away. She cried, “My child!”

Around a corner the thief is ambushed. An Adonis, who could bring order and rebuild, grasped the bag and walked back toward the woman. It would all start with this little package.

The Adonis stepped into the street made a stupid face and was under a school bus. The men inside celebrated and continued on. The nylon bag burst releasing cans and a baby toy; quickly the scoundrel collected them and fled. The hero was dead and the scoundrel lived on. So it goes.

Perhaps in time that hero could have set things right. Instead I stole from that woman and did worse in time. I took something from the world, something that could not be made right again. Perhaps I am the last yet still I regret nothing.
 
A rewrite of another story I wrote. 191 words.

His name was Rint. At 6’ exactly, his athletic frame complemented his dark skin and dreadlocked hair. And his HIR carbine.

Rint and his team were holed up in this cold little hanger because they were hunting terrorists. The five men in the middle of the hanger had no idea that they were being surrounded by Rint’s men.

Rint’s comrades knew to act on his cue – in this case, a bullet from his magically silent gun bursting through one of the terrorist’s heads. Within a few seconds, Rint’s strike team had defeated their enemies – except for one.

One of the terrorists was equipped with a magic device that allowed her to track Rint. She was also a woman, and that posed a problem for Rint – he didn’t like to kill women.

When technology and training break down, however, Rint turned to magic. With the use of a cryomantic weapon, Rint freezes the woman and place and captured her, hoping to keep her for information purposes. It’s all in a day’s work for the crew, but the bad thing about being so efficient is that they’ve got to wait for their pickup…
 
Critique stage - please vote for your favorite entries!

This thread is now in the critique stage. Please read the entries and submit a short critique for your favorite. The ideal critique focuses on what is good about the entry but also mentions areas for improvement. Please avoid unqualified statements - in other words, if you say "I liked it", make sure to qualify this by including a few specific things you liked.

This thread will close on March 1st and whoever has the most critiques/votes will win!
 
Interesting Choice Dorkelf, I had to pull out my first edition silmarillion after reading it. Melkor was actually where the name of my main wow character came from Melko. You did a great job condensing a huge amount of material into an understandable 300 words while keeping the almost biblical style verses Tolkien used. Not really any suggestions I can make keep up the good work.
 
Back
Top