Youth Exodus from Church: What Are We Doing Wrong?

Genesis1315

Ladies
I have been pondering many things about church life. Unanswered questions from many years ago are coming back (surfacing in my mind). I came across this article which seemed to address some interesting points. What are your thoughts on this?

Gen

Post below from Crosswalk.com
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/pastors/1416070.html
quote below for ease of conversation


Youth Exodus from Church: What Are We Doing Wrong?
Matt Friedeman
AgapePress

AgapePress has reported that Dr. Frank Page, the new president of the Southern Baptist Convention, is disturbed that many students are leaving the church once they graduate. Indeed, the Convention's Council on Family Life reports that some 88 percent of children from evangelical homes are leaving the church shortly after they graduate from high school.

But why?

I wonder if it is not for these three reasons:

First, we give students what they want, instead of what they need. Some say this is making the gospel relevant to youth. But how relevant is the gospel if, once you are away from your parents, your head has a tough time leaving the pillow for ecclesiastical environs on Sunday mornings? One has to wonder if we have gone too far with age-segregation (which is hardly relevant in the "real" world), catering to perceived needs of teenagers (again, not relevant in later life), and isolating kids in an evangelical subculture (that is laughed at, actually, in "real" life).

Second, when Jesus made disciples of young men (and John was called "a youth and almost a boy" by one early church father), He challenged them to "Follow Me." Teenage discipleship in Jesus' day meant spending time with an adult. Initially, that was with a parent who worked your tail-end off on the farm while talking about Deuteronomy (see Deuteronomy 6:4-9). If you were blessed enough later in life to receive teaching from a rabbi, it meant attaching yourself to the teacher and learning adult lessons with adult methodology. There were no cool websites, lock-ins, hip-hop bands or youth organizations pulling out the stops to come up with neat, new (actually, frequently gross) games to capture attention before a quick three-point Bible study and then pizza.

Third, I wonder if we don't significantly cheat our kids when we suggest that vital discipleship can exist without a life of evangelism and compassionate service. Again, discipleship Jesus-style meant gathering a small group and putting them to communicate the gospel and work among the needy of the community. Together they challenged the lost, touched the sick, healed the lepers, reached out to the hungry and ministered to the poor. In one of his last lessons on earth, Jesus warned His disciples that anyone who wasn't involved in this kind of activity risked "the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels" (Matt. 25:31-46). How is it our youth, and by extension our churches, miss that message? And then, are shocked that our lack of mission fails to capture the imagination of a burgeoning adult making his own time and commitment choices?

Could it be that youth see right through it all? Could it be they know our faith is a farce? Could it be that staying home on Sunday mornings is just as relevant to the Kingdom as attending a church that makes a joke of ministry, specifically youth ministry?

Bless Frank Page for righteous chagrin. Are we evangelicals ready for the tough changes?
 
Well maybe they wouldn't exit the church If those in leadership actually paid some attention to what they say and I think they feel left out do to their age and are made to feel they don't have a purpose within the body of Christ.

They need to be given some responsibility within the church. I think they would love the challenge to participate within the church.

Youth are easily distracted with the things of this world because they are young.

We must listen to them and come into agreement with them allowing them to be more involved in the church.

We must be more open to them.
 
I do think that perhaps it is about listening to what they have to say.

I also think getting them more involved would be a good thing too....

From my experience, I have found that the youth at a church we go to...were far from living in the faith. Most of the parents of these youth saw the youth groups as a time to just drop there kids and go back to there busy schedules. I think that these children need attention and need to be listened to by there parents more than anything.

I also think that older youth group leaders would be a plus...with these particular kids that I have experience with they were 13-16 years old being led by a 20 and 21 year old person. And even those 'chaperones' were more concerned about sleeping or watching a movie rather than interacting with these children and setting up guidelines.
 
I was in youth ministry for 5 years, and my opinion is that this article is right on target.
1. Many churches are trying to "hook" youth with fun. That may help initially, but it does not fill the deepest longings of their heart. How does that help them find relavance in the gospel? My church board was always critical of me for the depth of my studies because it included challanging unrepented sin. People, adults and youth, have trouble with this because no one likes to think the are in sin. The adults wanted me to tolerate "little" sins, but what they failed to see was how these seemingly small matters led to much deep sin. How can I make the truth relavent if my hands were tied on matters of sin?
2. I tried to set up a mentoring program, but I just didn't have enough adults willing to help diciple the youth. The adults didn't mind having fun with the youth, but when it came to actually teaching the youth how to walk closer to God, they had no interest.
3. "GO and make diciples of all nations." This does not sound like a request to me. If we want youth to be closer to God, then we need to be obedient to this command. The youth will follow examples, but the church has to be willing to be an example.

Jeshurun-absolutely, that was another issue I fought hard for and lost. The problem isn't totally with adults always on this one. The youth themselves can be intimidated here, but if the church doesn't actively encourage this, then nothing will change.

ShyFroggy-I hated feeling like a babysitter. This was not a problem so much in our church, but there were a few.

My overall opinion - Parents have to be more active. "Raise your children up in the way they should go" Parents need to not be afraid of disiplining older youth. If they are under 18, then they are still their parents responsiblity. If you give up the disipline when a youth in the MOST rebelious, then they do not grow in faith.
 
As a 19-year-old male that left his church right out of high school, I'll tell you my case, and then you can decide how much of it applies to the general case.

I graduated from the private Christian school that my church runs. I always attended the youth group (my uncle was the youth pastor at the time), but every time I went into the adult service I was really quite bored by several things:
  1. The adults totally lacked any enthusiasm for being there. It seemed that they were there to fulfill their Christian duty of coming to church on Sunday morning, not because they actually wanted to be there or learn anything. It also seems like sermon content in the main congregation is actually dumbed-down compared to the youth service, perhaps for visitors. It seems like the main pastor spends most of his time discussing WHAT Christians believe instead of HOW the beliefs affect your life.
  2. My uncle the youth pastor, and his replacement, are both much more interested in making the Bible relevant to things that are relevant to me. "Get out of debt" seminars and all the other church activities at the main congregation are aimed squarely at the 40+ demographic, so it feels as though I am in the wrong place.
  3. At 18, children are no longer included on their parents' membership, and are expected to join the church if they continue attending. Joining my church is a rather onerous process, requiring that I take 3-month series of "New Member" Sunday school courses and a few other bits and bobs. The thing is, it feels kind of insulting to have to take those courses if you've been at that church as long as I have. I don't consider myself better than everyone else or anything, I'm just not keen on sitting through 12 weeks of being told stuff I already know.
  4. Church is in the MORNING. For collegiate students such as myself, anything before noon is early. Right now I'm attending a church that has a high population of students from my university. They hold services on Saturday evenings, when I am more awake and ready to learn about God.
  5. I would have stayed at the old church and volunteered as a leader in the youth group, but my uncle left to run his own church and his replacement started teaching doctrine I don't agree with (as much as I like the guy as a friend).

Saying that the main service didn't hold relevance to me, I suppose I should detail things that WOULD be relevant. Things like:
  • "How to endure persecution." I'm at a secular college.
  • "Good ways to appropriately talk about your faith with your athiest friends." There's a pretty... uh... vigorous evangelistic association on campus and it seems like all they do is annoy people. I'm concerned for the people that I know are not Christians, but I don't want to misrepresent my faith in a way that is annoying.
  • "Winning your subculture for God." I like electronic music, so I go to where it is played-- raves-- and every time I go I love the music but I am disgusted by all the drug use and total lack of caring about anything past 6 hours in the future. I usually just sit in the back with a bottle of water and my earplugs and listen to the music. But if there's a way I could bring God in there with me, and share Him with other people there, I'd love to do that. I just question the wisdom of talking about serious matters with people who are possibly using mind-altering substances.
 
Some interesting points made in that article, and some I agree with and others I don't.

It's important to understand that not all youth are ready for the adult services in most churches, some are but some aren't. This makes it very difficult when devising a youth program.

I've seen churches where the youth do nothing but play games while the min service is happening, that turns my stomach quite badly. And also I've seen churches where the youth service is exactly like the adult service but dealing with more "teen issues"... that would be fine except most of the youth fell asleep. Admittedly that was mostly due to the youth leaders' lack of teaching skill (he droned on-and-on with no excitement or any vocal inflections. LOL)

In all honesty I tend to agree that Jesus' example is the best one obviously, and if good Biblical teaching can be made, the younger it can be made the better. That is not to say that everyone should be in an adult service, but I think a bit more can be expected from youth then what I have currently seen.
By that I mean that I think the youth are mature enough to handle a program with less play and more learning about Christ.

In that area I agree with the article.

I do think that there should be an opportunity in any youth service for group discussion, as youth tend to shut-down and not talk about their problems, and they need to discuss more. That's just my personal thought on it.
 
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How would accountability factor into this? And what about showing respect and proper manners?

Gen


I encouraged the youth to hold each other accountable. I often had a couple of the youth come to me when that had issues with the behavior of someone else, and how they should go about confronting them. Jesus gives us an example of how to hold people accountable. Go to that person, if that doesn't work go in a small group, if that doesn't work go to the church. You can respectfully point out scriptures that show what is sin and what isn't. Modesty was one big issues in our group. There are lots of scriptures on that. I have found that if a youths parent(s) does not hold them accountable and teach good morals, that it is hard to hold them accountable. Youth who have a willingness to grow will respond a lot more then youth who just want to have fun.

Kraniac- I agree that adults aren't excited enough in a lot of churches. My husband and I left our church (maybe just for now, maybe forever) to attend a Pentacostal church because we wanted to be around people who were enthusiastic about their faith. Maybe you should seek out a church that appeals to you? I'm sure you could find something. If your school has a Campus Crusade for Christ chapter I would highly recomend seeking it out and joining.
 
Wow, where do I start? There's so much I want to say on this topic.

Well, I should probably mention that I attended the same church as kraniac for several years. When I speak, I speak out of experiences in Tulsa, Oklahoma and St. Louis, Missouri. I understand that these two cities do not represent the full spectrum of activity in the Western church, but feel that "symptoms" present in these two cities are widespread across the United States.

With my disclaimer out of the way, the next section of my reply (yes, I have so much to say that I will need to break it into sections) must come later.
 
How would accountability factor into this? And what about showing respect and proper manners?

Gen

Well at my church we have cell groups, ones for adults and ones for the youth.
There are many adult and youth cells in my church and as for accountabilty it works in the following way. Lets keep in mind theres always some areas that need improvement.

Our Pastor seeks God in prayer first and then comes up with an order to things such as what should be taught or done in a cell meeting and this to is discussed with the assistant pastors and leaders of cell leaders before it is given out to the cell leaders to teach the ones in it.(note it is our senior Pastor that makes the final decision on the itinerary for each cell metting.)

Those in a cell are accountable to the cell leader(s).
The cell leader are then accountable to there leaders.
Those leaders are then accountable to the assistant Pastors.
The assistant Pastors are accountable to the senior Pastor.
The Pastor is accountable to God.

Also we have Wed. night Bible study broken into 5 groups called Highway to Maturity.
HtM 101 for new christians, "Milk to Meat".
Htm 201 Christianns, "The nature of God".
HtM 301 Prep for Ministry, "A study in Brokeness, Submission, & Authority".
HtM 401 Leadership training, "God's part, My part in Leadership".
The last one HtM is "School of Leaders".

These classes teach the fundamentals of accountabilty through the knowledge of spiritual authority.

Heres the problem at hand though, if the youth or anyone else for that matter does not understand "Spiritual Authority" then how can they know accountability.
The answer is they can't.

I highly recommend the book "Spiritual Authority" written by Watchman Nee it is an excellent book for the body of Christ everywhere.
His book begins a process of understanding what accountability is and of authority.
I really believe this could bring about the stop to the exodus of the youth if they are taught these principles.
 
"How to endure persecution." I'm at a secular college.

Just curious, how are you persecuted at college? If you thought this would be a problem, why didn't you go to a Christian college?

"Good ways to appropriately talk about your faith with your athiest friends." There's a pretty... uh... vigorous evangelistic association on campus and it seems like all they do is annoy people. I'm concerned for the people that I know are not Christians, but I don't want to misrepresent my faith in a way that is annoying.

Isn't that a form of Christian persecution? Note that one of the definitions of persecuting is, "to annoy with persistent or urgent approaches (as attacks, pleas, or importunities)"
 
Why do children leave the Home is the same as why they leave the church. But as I see it I see more youth with Gods faith than the adults>>>Who wouldn't run or fade away upon the lack of seeing LOVE>>>Traditions is in my view the Christ Killer for upon Him alone stands our salvation not a church or a holy site..Our youth see that and they move on seeking the HEARTBEAT OF JESUS!!!
 
Relevant scripture I would say :)

1 Corinthians 9:19-21
19Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible. 20To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win the Jews. To those under the law I became like one under the law (though I myself am not under the law), so as to win those under the law. 21To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God's law but am under Christ's law), so as to win those not having the law.
to those under Grace...
As One full of Jesus!
jahahahahaha!
 
Just curious, how are you persecuted at college? If you thought this would be a problem, why didn't you go to a Christian college?
I get excluded from some social events because of it, and there are a lot of what I would call "militant athiests" on campus that will badger you if you attend services at the on-campus church or mosque (we are one of only 3 universities to have a mosque on campus).


Isn't that a form of Christian persecution? Note that one of the definitions of persecuting is, "to annoy with persistent or urgent approaches (as attacks, pleas, or importunities)"
Yes it is, and that's why I don't like it. It's certainly possible that the "militant athiests" I describe are a counter-movement of this. Personally, I want to be able to talk about my faith with my friends in a constructive way, and not so that they would group me in with the "Christian persecutors" (an apt term) as you call them.
 
I get excluded from some social events because of it, and there are a lot of what I would call "militant athiests" on campus that will badger you if you attend services at the on-campus church or mosque (we are one of only 3 universities to have a mosque on campus).

I think the college atmosphere serves as a breeding ground for many "militant" groups, atheist and relgious alike.

Yes it is, and that's why I don't like it. It's certainly possible that the "militant athiests" I describe are a counter-movement of this. Personally, I want to be able to talk about my faith with my friends in a constructive way, and not so that they would group me in with the "Christian persecutors" (an apt term) as you call them.

Just out of curiousity, are your friends Chrstian? I'm going to assume not, because by speaking to them you feel they would label you as a "Christian persecutor". Let me say that as an atheist, in college I had many Christian friends. We were all able to discuss our beliefs openly and fairly and didn't have any problems primarily because we respected each other and each other's beliefs. Maybe you should look at HOW you talk to your friends. Don't preach to them and don't force your beliefs on them. Try talking about THEIR beliefs and then bring yours up. No one wants to be preached to or witnessed to, especially not in college. Be fair, be open, be balanced. Treat them as you would like to be treated. If you expect them to be open minded about your beliefs, you should be willing to be open minded about theirs. If you're NOT willing to do that, then keep your mouth shut. It'll save you a whole lot of headaches.

I like what you said about recognizing the militant atheists as a product of militant religiousts. If one went away, so would the other. Just something to think about.
 
I know what it is to be persecuted at college. I went to a secular college. Paul was also persecuted, and he took joy in his suffering for the sake of Christ. It is not easy. The key I believe is to surround yourself with believers, and pray.
 
I know what it is to be persecuted at college. I went to a secular college. Paul was also persecuted, and he took joy in his suffering for the sake of Christ. It is not easy. The key I believe is to surround yourself with believers, and pray.

Would you mind explaining how you were persecuted?

Why didn't you save yourself the trouble and go to a Christian college?
 
Would you mind explaining how you were persecuted?

Why didn't you save yourself the trouble and go to a Christian college?

I believe notashamed said that Paul took joy in his suffering for the sake of Christ. So why go to a Christian college?

Does it matter how they felt persecuted? Not really, They felt persecuted, and that's what matters.

Does it matter how you may feel persecuted at times? Not really, You feel persecuted at times, and that's what matters.

Now maybe it can matter how one feels persecuted, if the other person is asking so as not to hurt the others' feelings and to change their behavior and methods to prevent that.
Is that why you were asking? or was it to criticize their feelings?
 
I believe notashamed said that Paul took joy in his suffering for the sake of Christ. So why go to a Christian college?

Does it matter how they felt persecuted? Not really, They felt persecuted, and that's what matters.

Does it matter how you may feel persecuted at times? Not really, You feel persecuted at times, and that's what matters.

Now maybe it can matter how one feels persecuted, if the other person is asking so as not to hurt the others' feelings and to change their behavior and methods to prevent that.
Is that why you were asking? or was it to criticize their feelings?

Eh?

I think it DOES matter, quite a bit. If you don't understand the how, you can't understand the why.

If I wanted to openly criticize their feelings, I wouldn't be coy about it.
 
If you are never prosecuted then obviously you are not reaching out to people. Often if you are being prosecuted it is because they are opposing what you do and who you are.

I was lucky to find a good group of Christians on campus where I was able to fit in.

often times non-Christians server as a check to our balance, they will watch you like a hawk and speak up when they see something wrong with you.

Both the scorn and finger pointing work to develop us spiritually. It is like a sword grinding against a stone.

The problem many people have is that they don't have a stong releationship with Christ; either not spending time in prayer or worship. and get worn down and angry. Sure you will have problem areas where you feel like dirt, but often this is the best time to move closer to God.
 
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