a terrible secret

D

DrHammy

New Member
I am about to reveal a horrible secret. In doing so I want to keep this as little descriptive to shield innocent eyes from my past sins, so I will be as indescriptive as possible while (in my eyes) getting the point across. I ask that if you have terribly revealing or vulgar things to flame me with that you do so in pm form or withold your insults or character assasnation as there ARE young readers on this forum. I am zoey. Me and her are one in the same, and I am a guy. I did not do this for sick thrills or to decieve you. I was genuinely struggling with who I am. I was involved with a community I should not have been, and had been seduced by satan's lies and I am terribly sorry for any harm or hurt feelings that will inevitably have come from this. Again I want to stress I did NOT do this for any other sake than my own confusion. I had no intention of hurting anyone, and I gained no joy from the false trust I had created, I did it for my own struggling feelings and in doing so I have realized how far away from God I was drawing. I have felt a darkness encroaching upon my heart as of late and I have become very fearful of late, losing my one true love. The Lord your God. Again I am extremely sorry for any hurt feelings and destroyed trust. I fully expect flaming but hope my fears are misplaced, but again I know how serious this is and I know human nature and so bring on the insults. I admit I deserve every single one you can throw at me.

/edit I am also mercymedearyme, I created that account in an attempt to start fresh but I realize that isn't what needs to be now.
 
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DrHammy/Zoey,

Thank You for your honesty and trust in this community. I have been in full time ministry for nearly 20 years now and I have encountered many young men and women who struggle with gender issues. I am glad to see that you are coming clean with the CGALLIANCE and TOJ members about your personal struggle. Just in doing so you are taking a positive step in the right direction.

I hope that the members of this community can be positive and supportive of you as you seek God's help with this issue in your life. Jesus when brought the woman caught in adultery asked the people with stones in their hands if any of them was without sin to cast the first stone. Paul tells us (Rom 3:23) that ALL have sinned and missed the mark. SO THERE HAD BETTER NOT BE ANY FLAMING OR TAUNTING going on in this thread!

What DrHammy/Zoey needs is our prayers and support! Romans 8:1 says "There is now NO condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus." What you have from me is simply love and support and many prayers!

Blessings
Rev_rog.
 
I'm confused. Just to be clear, are you confirming that the forum names...DrHammy, Mercymedeary, and Bijou (Zoey) are all the same person?

There really should be no flaming, you have taken the responsibility to clear up the situation and you are asking for forgiveness. I hope you don't actually expect alot of flaming because that would be a bad impression of our Christian community here. I pray that we are much more mature as Christians then that.

edit... However, flaming aside, and in all fairness, I think there might be some repercussions to deal with in regards to multiple accounts and the false pretenses.
 
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yes I am all the same person... And ewoks, it's nothing against the cga at all. It's christian experiences I've had in general that have made me frightful. (Which is why I have elected to call myself a follower of christ, not a christian)
 
No worries um Hammoeymeju :p . Yes you shouldn't have done it and it is a tiny bit hurtful. Although more so it's confusing because we don't know what things you've told us in your life that are real to pray (specifically) for. Of course we can always pray in general for you, I don't think a name matters to God :). You've come clean now which was the hard and right thing to do so thank you. Realize too it's the essence of Christianity to forgive and it's even easier when it's a nice person like you :).

When I first met Zoey online and "she" said she had a speech impediment and didn't use a mic my first thoughts where...

1. "hmmm seems rather convenient maybe it's not a girl"
2. "It doesn't matter as long as they obey the rules. After all this is still a person and maybe they just want help"

After a while I certainly believed Zoey was a girl though it still didn't matter as I have a rule to treat all the people online like guys just in case >.< :p. I am not asking you about your reasons but I can see how some people would pretend to be girls if they have low self esteem or are just feeling bad. Guys tend to treat girls with more reassurances. Having multiple identities can be tempting too when you do something wrong just start over. Thing is we will always be doing something wrong no matter how many times we change our name so we'll never escape being us by changing our outward appearance. We can only escape our mistakes and sin in Christ.

Anyway you can still hit me up on steam (unless I'm busy with something but that's normal) no need to fear pm'ing me and suffering scalding Gerbil wrath :p. Though I may refer to you as "that person" from now on as I don't know which name to use (I'm kidding). Hmm I think the worst part of this is we have lost 50% of the CGA membership... wait maybe I should check to make sure I'm not Hammoeymeju too and don't know it?!?! o_O :p.

P.S. I always liked the time you spoke to one of the grievers on our server. Can't remember if it was about God or Jesus or what but it was impassioned. If it doesn't get them thinking if tends to at least intimidate them ;) .
 
Not to change the topic, but it's an important thing here.

It's christian experiences I've had in general that have made me frightful.
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I'm not defending what others in your past have done or said. I want to be perfectly clear on that. But the fact is that we all make mistakes. Rev_rog quoted Rom 3:23, and he's right. There is not one of us here that can say that we have not sinned. Not one. Nor are there any churches full of people that haven't sinned. No matter where you go or who you meet, they've sinned. They've made mistakes. Everyone. Including Christians. Where you've seen is what outsiders like to claim is our hypocrisy. However, it's merely those that have been forgiven for their sins trying to explain to others how to turn from their wicked ways. We're not always effective at coming across the right way to other people... so we send mixed signals about what it means to be a Christian.

How does that apply here? Know that many of us that read your confession sinned again and judged you because you have hurt them through the false personality. I'm glad that to this point, everyone has held their tongue (er, fingers). You obviously know that there are the potential for repercussions for your actions. You may have to take some heat for things you did. And while your confession (and I hope repentance to God) absolve you from eternal judgment through Jesus, you may still have to suffer through an adaptation period while everyone gets used to the fact that Zoey never existed anywhere but your mind. I've been on the receiving end of that same scenario. Everyone around "Zoey" is going to be confused, hurt, feel betrayed... it will take time, but those will pass. You may even find that those that are currently dealing with the hurt will end up being better friends. No promises, of course... but I know I'm still friends with the person that I went through this with. The real person is far more interesting than the fake person that was created. I hope that others will give you a chance to show the real you to them.

(Which is why I have elected to call myself a follower of christ, not a christian)
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Forgive my ignorance, but what do you see as the difference? At the core, Christians are a group of people that believe Jesus is taught us the way to eternal life, and seek to follow his commands. Is a "follower of Christ" any different? I'm not trying to poke fun or split hairs, I'm genuinely interested as an academic.

I have felt a darkness encroaching upon my heart as of late and I have become very fearful of late, losing my one true love. The Lord your God.
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I believe that you have chosen every single word of your confession carefully. You indicated that you were being careful to say enough, but not too much... so you obviously put thought into this part, as well.

So I wonder, why "The Lord your God" instead of "The Lord our God" or "The Lord my God"? There is something deeper still troubling you. You've shared a great deal with us already, been very open and honest. I'd like to hear the rest.

I was genuinely struggling with who I am.
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You need help. And I mean that in as loving a way as possible. You need to see a professional that can help you work through the issues that you are dealing with.
 
thanks for the sincere replies everyone. As to the questions, I kind of have to do it off the top of my head real quick just because my dad's outside waiting for me to get ready, so off the top of my head... I hold nothing against christians, I just fear that they may hurt me again deeply as many have in the past. I use the term christ follower as a way to not associate myself as a 10-12 christian who goes to church and walks out the door free to act as any secular human being would who did not love christ as though he was their only hope, and for the last one... I thought about using the lord our god, but reading the bible today jeremiah when prophesizing to the jews said the lord your god, rather than my or our god, so I assumed it was proper to say it that way - which is silly looking back on it because I just realized it was god speaking through jeremiah :) And yes, durruck, I do need help... Which rev rog has kindly guided me to. Thanks rog! This counseller is a god send
 
well, i'll say my part is that yeah im kinda confused but ya know, the people here have treated me with so much graciousness over the last.... well shoot 6 years i can honestly vouch and say with 100% guarantee there is nothing to fear here hammy :) . life happens and it happens for a reason and romans 8:28 promises us of good things to look forward to as we move forward in our relationship with Christ.
 
Thanks Atown :) I just glanced over the bit about christians not being perfect again, durruck, and I can say that I understand that no-one is perfect, but I can admit I probably hold christians to more than is realistic :) So, please forgive me for my earlier fears, for lack of a better term
 
I just sped through this post fast, but it made me think of a saying a friend of mines used a lot, "I believe in God, just not the church." I see a lot of truth in that, the church is made of of human/moral people. We all can be deceived and sin, and you can't always trust what you hear, but you can always trust in God.
 
We have some serious TOS violations here. I am closing this thread pending proper review/action by TOJ Staff members.
 
DrHammy discussed his secret with me yesterday and I've taken time to think and pray through the situation to respond appropriately.

First, let me remind everyone that I am not an ordained minister or certified counselor. DrHammy's issues are beyond my scope of training. In addressing this situation, I am speaking based solely on my own experience and jurisdiction. As DrHammy mentioned, he is seeking professional help. Responsibility for resolving DrHammy's issues lies with DrHammy, as assisted by a certified counselor and, of course, strength drawn from Christ.

As President of Tribe of Judah, I have decided not to remove DrHammy from ToJ. DrHammy came forward of his own free will, admitted his issues, and apologized for misrepresenting himself.

That being said, I have decided to remove DrHammy from Tribe of Judah staff--not only as a disciplinary measure, but also for DrHammy's benefit. As he works through these difficult issues, the burden of leadership--especially leadership in the highly social context of a MMO guild--is apt to do more harm than good.

DrHammy's removal from Tribe of Judah staff will take effect immediately after a member of our Aion guild volunteers to serve as Aion Guild Leader. Anyone interested in the role of Aion Guild Leader should contact me by PM (private message).

DrHammy will also be placed on "probation," which, because of how infrequently the measure has been used in the decade since Tribe of Judah's founding, has no set definition, but clearly communicates that I will be keeping close tabs on the situation.

As President of the Christian Gamers Alliance, I have decided not to ban DrHammy from the CGA Forums. (The forums Terms of Service prohibits misrepresenting one's identity and creating an additional account without prior authorization.) I think DrHammy's involvement as a member of the Christian gaming community could help him work through these issues.

Two (2) infractions will also be leveled against DrHammy's account--one for each unauthorized extra account created. Forum users are allowed five (5) infractions before their accounts are temporarily banned.

To avoid confusion, forum accounts for DrHammy's alternate personas, Bijou (a.k.a. Zoey) and mercymedearyme (a.k.a. Pip Pip Boyo) will be locked. I will be monitoring the forums backend to keep DrHammy accountable and ensure he does not create multiple accounts. (vBulletin forum Administrators can view IP addresses associated with all forum accounts.) I will ask Hescominsoon to do the same.

I have decided to re-open this thread because conversation, thus far, has been constructive. But I am watching the thread closely and will close it if I think it prudent to do so.

If anyone has issue with my decisions, please contact me privately to discuss the matter.
 
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DrHammy said:
I thought about using the lord our god, but reading the bible today jeremiah when prophesizing to the jews said the lord your god, rather than my or our god, so I assumed it was proper to say it that way - which is silly looking back on it because I just realized it was god speaking through jeremiah :)
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Working from memory, I believe that the reason for the "your" in those verses is because Jeremiah was addressing a crowd of unrepentant Israelites, calling them to turn from their sinful ways... a group to which he did not belong because he was following God's commands.

I'm glad to hear that you're already getting help. We'll continue to pray for your recovery. I can't speak for everyone, but I'd like to hear periodic updates to your healing. I'm sure there are many things that we could learn from this situation.
 
ok, I'll try... Right now I'm focusing on doing exactly what the never again list I posted in the cga forums says, so I believe that'll help quite a bit
 
:D You can feel his heart beat huh? Dig this->Exceptance of his seed promotes You to a brother, a sister, and a mother! But, but, no buts about it, I was made a man but upon my promotion from deaths row I am touched with these powerful attributes. Some days with all three and some days its a struggle with just one but never confused about who I really am for the Father is always there!Oo hehehe want more? Me knows you do. wOOt! I'm so excited in what he's going to do with you!
 
One Father

Genesis 1:31
  31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!

One Lord

John 14:6
Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.

One Spirit

Ephesians 4: 4-6
For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. 5 There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 and one God and Father, who is over all and in all and living through all.


No ifs, ands, or buts about that follower of Christ! oO Living and bleeding so to be black and white words we died to live by!

Hehehe pssst can ya feel it Jesus Freak?
Oh yeah you can, you can feel the heartbeat for it’s not my words but his.

Matthew 12:48-50
Jesus asked, “Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?” 49 Then he pointed to his disciples and said, “Look, these are my mother and brothers. 50 Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”

Ah silly me, pickled with the best of all three? But is it only me, and is it really three? hehehe Pssst The key from above is bound in Love so to be as one.

You and I were born with everything we need but only Jesus can unlock the doors of not only these uniting attributes but so much more. Note his sight to see the corrosive nature of sin leaking into these gifts but not uniting with him! Tainted feelings like men with men or women with women is life in pretend thence another ruined product by sin.

One You pHd (per His design)

Mark 12:34
Realizing how much the man understood, Jesus said to him, “You are not far from the Kingdom of God.
 
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