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funny thing is, me n star never kissed, never really liked holding hands or snuggling. we didt like the snuggling mainly becuase we were at the college and it was wierd with all the people around n stuff. we hugged when we would leave, but that was like, every other day if i had to put average it.
 
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Atown said:
funny thing is, me n star never kissed, never really liked holding hands or snuggling. we didt like the snuggling mainly becuase we were at the college and it was wierd with all the people around n stuff. we hugged when we would leave, but that was like, every other day if i had to put average it.
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And that's good. I don't think people should be kissing or snuggling or anything similar, because it is pretty much for gratifying your own desires.

The reason I asked is because if you don't hold a stronger stance, you'd be treading on dangerous territory if you ever get tempted.
 
in some ways i kinda liked the snuggling, just becuase it made it easier to read together lol. becuase when we tried studying for the final, couple instances when we only had 1 paper, and read alternatly, it was kinda hard to see n stuff lol.
 
Weazel said:
My reasons for why this is not true is for several reasons... First off, it is very stereotypical, as is most generalizations. Second, I can see why you may be led to think guys do not have deep convos, but then I can think the same way about certain girls. Third, part of it is our culture and the way the media portrays it - that all guys ever do is drink beer, burp, and watch sports.

For a better understanding of what men can really become, I suggest reading God's Gift to Women by Eric Ludy (There's also the female version, Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy)

I have nothing against friendships between opposite genders... I mean, how else do you find someone to marry? :) However, in these relationships especially do you have to be extremely careful in guarding your heart. It is indeed a very fragile thing.
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You are right most generalizations are sterotypical, as stated earlier I'm sorry if I made a blanket statement, I corrected myself in saying that most guys who came along my path were more interested in other things during high school years...now that doesn't have to do with how society or the media portrays it - that comes from my own personal experience. And in no way am I saying that guys don't have deep conversations, sometimes it about the topic of the conversation as well. I do believe guys CAN have deep conversations, I merely stated that when I was in high school there weren't many who were too interested. And I agree 100% there are many girls out there who wouldn't dream of having a deep conversation.

"For a better understanding of what men can really be..." I am very fortunate that the Lord has blessed me with an incredible man who is my friend and husband. I have seen first hand exactly what/who a man can become or "really be." We have grown quite a bit in our relationship since we met and since we got married. Not only have we grown in our relationship with each other, but also in our relationship with teh Lord... A marriage isn't between two, it's between three...the third being the Lord.

And you are right, you have to be careful with your heart. You have to guard your heart because it might get broken...but keep in mind that too much protecting and you aren't living. I understand what you are saying, I know the hurts of a relationship gone sour...and yes I guarded my heart (way too much) after it happened, until I realized that I was so afraid of my heart being broken that I also became afraid of love...does that make sense? Maybe not afraid of love, but I wouldn't even allow myself to get close to anybody...and that was a very difficult hurdle to get over when I met babo.

You can guard your heart as much as you want, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you go out and live your life for the Lord, I'm sure everybody will make a mistake or two or three or more, but the important thing is to learn. I don't think that God makes things easy for us, or that he makes it so that if we guard our feelings/heart enough that they will never be hurt. I think people grow in pain, I think that God places pain (no matter what kind- relationship, physical, emotional, etc) in your life to teach you something - once the lesson is learned the pain is lessened.

Now I know I've rambled on a bit - the bottom line - somebodys heart, somebodys life is extremely fragile that is why I'm so happy that I have Our Father in Heaven guiding my life, watching my every step, picking me up, teaching me, healing me, loving me always.

Life is meant to be lived, and with the spirit of the Lord in your heart...well what happens, happens for a reason. I think its fair to say that Atown has definately gotten a different perspective on things after the dating experience with star. It was probably painful but look at what he has learned. And he still has a great friend.
 
Shyfroggy said:
And you are right, you have to be careful with your heart. You have to guard your heart because it might get broken...but keep in mind that too much protecting and you aren't living. I understand what you are saying, I know the hurts of a relationship gone sour...and yes I guarded my heart (way too much) after it happened, until I realized that I was so afraid of my heart being broken that I also became afraid of love...does that make sense? Maybe not afraid of love, but I wouldn't even allow myself to get close to anybody...and that was a very difficult hurdle to get over when I met babo.

You can guard your heart as much as you want, but I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. If you go out and live your life for the Lord, I'm sure everybody will make a mistake or two or three or more, but the important thing is to learn. I don't think that God makes things easy for us, or that he makes it so that if we guard our feelings/heart enough that they will never be hurt. I think people grow in pain, I think that God places pain (no matter what kind- relationship, physical, emotional, etc) in your life to teach you something - once the lesson is learned the pain is lessened.

Now I know I've rambled on a bit - the bottom line - somebodys heart, somebodys life is extremely fragile that is why I'm so happy that I have Our Father in Heaven guiding my life, watching my every step, picking me up, teaching me, healing me, loving me always.

Life is meant to be lived, and with the spirit of the Lord in your heart...well what happens, happens for a reason. I think its fair to say that Atown has definately gotten a different perspective on things after the dating experience with star. It was probably painful but look at what he has learned. And he still has a great friend.
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i think the book "boundries" said it best "you must have BREATHABLE fences, not brick ones"
 
"Everything is permissible"—but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible"—but not everything is constructive. - 1 Corinthians 10:23

I could go ahead and quit school, smoke weed, and have as many girls as I can get. It might be fun for a while, but it'll just end up making my life miserable in the end. I don't need to go smoke weed, drop out of school, or do anything so that I would gain the "experience" of it and learn from it - I already know that it is not helpful.

I'm sorry that you have gotten hurt in the past and overprotected your heart. However, I think you need to make a distinction between the relationships you have with different people. Having deep, meaningful relationships with your own gender, fair game. Having casual friendships with either gender, sure. Having deep, meaningful relationships with the opposite gender... well, that's where you have to be careful.

1 Corinthians chapter 10 goes on to say:

"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everybody in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved."

If it does not cause you nor the other person to stumble, then by all means,go ahead. I tell you though, that this is the exception, not the rule. And from talking to Atown, I do not think it is the case (No offense, Atown).
 
Atown said:
i think the book "boundries" said it best "you must have BREATHABLE fences, not brick ones"
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Nice quote. You just summarized everything I said with one sentence. :(
 
?

I could go ahead and quit school, smoke weed, and have as many girls as I can get. It might be fun for a while, but it'll just end up making my life miserable in the end. I don't need to go smoke weed, drop out of school, or do anything so that I would gain the "experience" of it and learn from it - I already know that it is not helpful.

You are right you could gain 'experience' from those negatives in life....however....what I said was that if you live your life with the spirit of the Lord in your heart and you follow his word, then what happens, happens....Just because I believe in God and have total and complete faith doesn't mean that bad things won't happen...I'm not sure that we are on the same page, or that I am getting this point across the way that it is in my head...Sometimes there are positives that come from 'tough' situations...

here is an example of what I am trying to say, a week and a half ago we were walking our dog like any other morning. There was a cat, he tried to chase it - he was on his leash - we walked him the other way - he went to the bathroom - then we went back to our apartment. On our way back a gentlemen threatened to have our dog taken away because he was chasing cats...our dog is like our child...we brushed off his comment and went inside. 15 minutes later the police show up at the door. They proceed to share with us a story that this gentlemen made up - he said the dog was off his leash, he attacked a cat, etc. We explained that no such thing occurred, the police would not listen to us, and said that if this gentlemen complains one more time then our dog would be taken away and Dennis (my husband) would be put in jail. Wow, talk about the fear that set in. Talk about the hurt of thinking about my husband being taken away and my dog being taken away felt. I was hurt. We decided that we could no longer live where we were living because we didn't feel safe anymore. In two days we packed and moved out...having no where to go....my parents said we could stay with them. That night my dad came home and said that the neighbor across the street had a house we could rent - even said that if we painted it and put fresh carpet in that the first six months would be free. So the bad situation - if you will - turned out to be a blessing in disguise - it was truly a miracle. It showed us how fast God works. :D

My point behind this story is that that morning we were feeling very hurt, we no longer felt safe where we were living. But come that evening, after a lot of praying, we find total and complete comfort because of God. It was His timing, and it was perfect. So it was a bad situation, that showed us how the power of prayer is a mighty power and that just because it looks like something is really bad, that doesn't mean that is how it will end. That is what I mean by experience, I could list other examples but I think I am going to move on.

I'm sorry that you have gotten hurt in the past and overprotected your heart. However, I think you need to make a distinction between the relationships you have with different people. Having deep, meaningful relationships with your own gender, fair game. Having casual friendships with either gender, sure. Having deep, meaningful relationships with the opposite gender... well, that's where you have to be careful.

Who are you referring to with this? When you said "I think you need to make a distinction" - were you referring to me? :confused:

If you are referring to me - keep in mind I shared with you what I did about times that have passed - no longer is my heart as guarded as it was before I met my husband. And in theory, what you say about making distinctions between relationships, etc etc, sounds great...but honestly, if a relationship is meant to have/be a deep/meaningful relationship - ultimately, we have no control over that, only God does. I understand what you mean about being 'careful'...what I'm trying to say is that sometimes no matter how careful you are - things happen...life happens - and that isn't always a bad thing.

If it does not cause you nor the other person to stumble, then by all means,go ahead. I tell you though, that this is the exception, not the rule. And from talking to Atown, I do not think it is the case (No offense, Atown)

"If it does not cause you or the other person to stumble" - so are we supposed to try and predict ways in which we might 'fail' in a relationship? Are we supposed to enter a relationship with a negative attitude? How are we to know what only God knows?

You say that is the exception and not the rule and you go on to say that you dont' think it's the case after talking to Atown then you say no offense....please explain further what you meant by that.
 
Shyfroggy said:
You are right you could gain 'experience' from those negatives in life....however....what I said was that if you live your life with the spirit of the Lord in your heart and you follow his word, then what happens, happens....Just because I believe in God and have total and complete faith doesn't mean that bad things won't happen...I'm not sure that we are on the same page, or that I am getting this point across the way that it is in my head...Sometimes there are positives that come from 'tough' situations...
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I agree. Sorry, I missed the "spirit of the Lord" part of your statement.
Who are you referring to with this? When you said "I think you need to make a distinction" - were you referring to me? :confused:

If you are referring to me - keep in mind I shared with you what I did about times that have passed - no longer is my heart as guarded as it was before I met my husband. And in theory, what you say about making distinctions between relationships, etc etc, sounds great...but honestly, if a relationship is meant to have/be a deep/meaningful relationship - ultimately, we have no control over that, only God does. I understand what you mean about being 'careful'...what I'm trying to say is that sometimes no matter how careful you are - things happen...life happens - and that isn't always a bad thing.
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I disagree. We are very much in control of most of our relationships. God may have an ultimate plan for each of us, but that does not mean we do not have free will.
"If it does not cause you or the other person to stumble" - so are we supposed to try and predict ways in which we might 'fail' in a relationship? Are we supposed to enter a relationship with a negative attitude? How are we to know what only God knows?
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No, it means you go into a relationship carefully and if you are tempted to sin, then you back away, slow it down, or do something to prevent you from sinning. Going into a relationship carefuly does not mean with a negative attitude. Far from it, actually.
You say that is the exception and not the rule and you go on to say that you dont' think it's the case after talking to Atown then you say no offense....please explain further what you meant by that.
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I mean that deep relationships with the opposite gender rarely work out.

Shyfroggy, if you want I can talk to you over aim or something about it (No time tonight though)
 
WOW this has really gone a bit crazy. The thing is since I've spoken/ councelled ( if I am permitted to say that) with the three of you on separate occasions privately due to your own circumstances. I honestly hope that everyone is able to marry their "best friend" and that he/she is "Christian." From my personal trials and struggles I KNOW how hard it can be.

I also feel that each of you is intitled to his/her own opinion and allowed to show how you feel but the responsibility and the decision to date.....etc needs to be the best for each person.

In this situation who knows God may just be making their friendship stronger so that a bit later in life they will be able to overcome all of those trials and tribulations some of us have experienced.

Please try not to bring each other down and take offense when things are made in general terms. Being a lady I can agree with Shy that a lot of the lords on this earth are out to see what they can get etc...... Atown and Weasel from my experiences with both of you neither of you are like that.

I also feel that without a few mistakes in your life you do not know which are the right choices etc. God forgives us for our mistakes and sins so it's ok to have a few every once in awhile ( smiles ).

I hate quoting quotes but if you all need a moderator for a discussion etc please let me know and I will try to make some available time.

Blessings,"Angel"
 
its amazing how this all started when i was like, having issues coping with losing star, and got into all this within the last 3 weeks. i think im doing better though, when i gave her that bracelet it was kinda a closing to everything that had happened within the last school year.....
 
thanks weazel, i do believe that we were on different pages...for that i apologize - probably should have given you a story or better explanation for what i was saying.

atown i'm glad that you still have a good friend.
 
Shyfroggy said:
atown i'm glad that you still have a good friend.
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just hope i can keep the friendship going through the summer though, thats my main concern now.
 
Atown said:
just hope i can keep the friendship going through the summer though, thats my main concern now.
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Why is it your concern?

What should matter, first and foremost, is your relationship with God. If your relationship with Star was really "meant to be" then it would happen, correct?
 
Weazel said:
Why is it your concern?

What should matter, first and foremost, is your relationship with God. If your relationship with Star was really "meant to be" then it would happen, correct?
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Its my concern becuase alot changes over summers. ive lost 2 friends so far becuase i wasnt around and so much changed and we couldt stand each other afterwords. and friendships take time and effort to keep alive, everyone can agree with that. i can always wait on God, but also im aware i have to do some things on my end too.
 
I lost a friend. :(

But he is and doesn't realize he is, literally, almost insane.

he made fun of my beliefs while we were calmly talking, all of a sudden he just exploded.

He made fun of Christianity and homeschooling and wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise, he just kept yelling on and laughing at my beliefs and making caustic remarks.

To. My. Face.

Why is he insane? Let me take this opprotunity that I DON'T BELIEVE HE IS INSANE BECAUSE HE DISAGREED WITH ME!

Some of his beliefs are insane... let me tell you, I've known him for 6 years... he's changed. (you know Nicolae Carpathia, from Left Behind? Well, put some of that guy's beliefs in a 14 year old's body)

And after his tangent, he told me off and won't talk to me anymore.

So I know what it's like to lose a friend. In your case, it's probably less... disturbing.
 
He's exploded probably over time it built up. Not because he's insane, but rather, because of something about you that ticks him off.

Dont' want to talk about it. But again, try not to compare people no matter how stupid or stubborn they are.
 
Atown said:
Its my concern becuase alot changes over summers. ive lost 2 friends so far becuase i wasnt around and so much changed and we couldt stand each other afterwords. and friendships take time and effort to keep alive, everyone can agree with that. i can always wait on God, but also im aware i have to do some things on my end too.
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I agree that relationships take work to keep going, but I do not agree that it should be of concern. Friendships come and go, but God is always there.
 
Weazel said:
I agree that relationships take work to keep going, but I do not agree that it should be of concern. Friendships come and go, but God is always there.
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im sorry but i very much disagree with that. yes friendships come and go with the pages of our lives, and sometimes the chapter ends with the friendships. however i believe their are friendships worth holding onto. couple times me n glitch almost went our ways, but we worked it out and still best friends over several chapters
 
Atown said:
im sorry but i very much disagree with that. yes friendships come and go with the pages of our lives, and sometimes the chapter ends with the friendships. however i believe their are friendships worth holding onto. couple times me n glitch almost went our ways, but we worked it out and still best friends over several chapters
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I agree, there are some relationships worth holding on to, but I don't think it should be a concern. :p

If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
 
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