corinalbria
New Member
Note: PG-13 for some what graphic depictions of violence. Just fyi.
Note 2: This is a serious wall of text as well, there is no TLDR. I hope that you would read it though.
----
... growling, she crashed through the woods, images swirled through her head, fading quickly becoming more blurry with each passing moment. She roared again, a word seared through her mind, justice. Yes, justice would be done, she would not let it end this way. Too slow. It's getting away. Hopeless. With night settling in and each moment the trail fading as the cold white stuff settled in more and more, coherent thought was degenerating into agonizing rage, and creeping fear. A howl of fury brought her to her hind legs. No, it would not end like this.
The bitter cold stung her flesh for a moment and she remembered her name. Miriallia. The whisper pierced through her mind. Blinking away tears bidden from the stinging cold, but more from the sudden clarity of thought, she willed herself, perhaps the final time, and suddenly the cold was a distant memory once again, ageless fur deflecting the effects of the wind and cold.
Summoning the the final wells of her flagging strength, she pounded through the tangled trees. Branches whirred by as yards ground away beneath her ancient paws. How long had she done this? How many times had she hunted her prey before? And yet this time, it was not food she sought but vengeance. Suddenly a scent wafted through the air. It snapped her back, how many miles had she just covered in a seeming moment? She saw the dancing flame of a campfire ahead and shadows moving around it. The smell was familiar, she had found her quarry.
In the past she vaguely remembered stalking her prey before the fateful attack, but she did not hesitate this time, as rage boiled over to fury she leapt over a fallen tree and crashed down the embankment. There would be no stalking this night. She heard yells and saw torches flutter, but she could no longer comprehend what that meant, the last flickers of humanity faded from her mind.
----
The snow seemed to muffle every sound save the nearest, but it couldn't muffle that one. A deep roar sounded off to the right of the cage; I couldn't see anything, but I knew. A moment later , out from the wood, she materialized. I called out, "Miri!" and a chorus of voices echoed mine. Some were crying and fearful, others were defiant, all were hopeful for the first time in days. Charis huddled near me whimpering, fearful of the sounds of the camp.
Her dark magnificent fur, still glimmering so regally, stood on end as she blazed by the fire. Pouncing, the first slaver went down, before I blinked again a second was on the ground, great paws rending through flesh. A few ineffective strikes and a cry of distress were all that a third could emit before he too was cast to the side. Suddenly the camp was alive with activity.
Attack! Attack! As two guards scrambled to make a stand against the phantom foe. She was hard to make out in the fading firelight, but her brilliant azure eyes shone with fury. You could hardly miss those. She quietly growled again, almost a purr, and sprang forward toward the two. A blow glanced of her shoulder, I couldn't tell if it bit. She shrugged it off though, her gaping maw clamping down on the nearer one's neck. A gurgled cry escaped from his lips. Before he hit the ground, I saw her leap over him at the other guard. Two swipes and his shield lay tattered, splinters cutting into his arm. He threw the sword and it stuck in the ground next to Miriallia and he fled.
Schwip! Schwip! I cried out as Miriallia roared in agony, two arrows burying their heads in her flank. She turned towards her assaulters and attacked, closing the distance in a flash. Before she reached them another arrow bit into her shoulder, I was weeping now. The blood was matting the magnificent coat as it flowed from the wounds.
The archers had no chance for a third volley. The great cat jumped on one, crushing his bow and splintering the wood into his chest, turning, it swatted another, flinging him into one of the shelters, the last did not hesitate, it turned and fled into the wood.
The cat seemed lost now, confused. What was wrong? "Miri" I called out, and she turned her head towards me. Those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see through all my facades into my soul gazed at me ferally. Miri? I questioned again. She moved closer, silently now, her eyes never wavering from mine. She stopped and I could feel her warm breath, coming in uneven bursts. She continued to look. Suddenly her features softened, as recognition seemed to dawn on her; I put my hand out through the bars and touched her wet nose and pinched her ear as I had done so often. She purred and rubbed her head against my arm.
She pulled at the gate with her paws, and the lock clinked against the metal. Dismayed, she pulled harder, but still it wouldn't give. I pulled her whiskers, getting her attention, and pointed at the first slaver that had gone down. He was the one who was in charge. She seemed to understand; padding over to the body, with her mouth she, dragged it over to the cage. I shuddered at touching the body, still radiating some warmth from the life that had recently left it. In the vest, I found the keys, our symbol of despair, now becoming our means for freedom. I fumbled with the lock, my hands stiff from the cold, but I managed to get it open. We pushed through the gate and enveloped the cat that had come to save us.
----
We trudged together back to the village. Yasako and Isako, the littlest ones clung to Miriallia's back. I piggy-backed Charis on mine, and Shannon walked on the other side, his smallish hands clinging to Miri's fur.
----
There was light ahead, but I couldn't comprehend what it meant. The wounds pulsed and burned with each slow step. The only other thing I could feel were small hands guiding me forward. We cleared the trees and approached the light. Something about home wisped through my mind. I wasn't sure. All I knew was weariness. My pack, my cubs, I've brought them back. A faint thought floated through the encroaching darkness. My friends. I've brought them home. With that the final strength of my legs seemed to fade and I simply collapsed. I could feel warm things around me and heard noises but I couldn't make them out save one, somehow I understood the whisper in my ear and the pinch, Corin's. Thank you. Thank you Miri. I purred and with it fluttered, my last breath.
------------------------------------------------
I want to thank you all for the wonderful time I've had adventuring alongside you all. It's been a lot of fun over the years, all the way back to Dark Age of Camelot.
I did want to share some thoughts about me and why I played, and why now is the time for me to move on.
2007 has been a good year for me, I've been serving as a campus minister now for 6 years and I feel like this is the first year where I'm starting to understand how God has created me and for what. One of the key things for me this year was going through a strengths assessment called Strengthfinders (2.0). Through that I came to realize that God's gift to me is my mind. That for some reason, he has granted me a mind that can comprehend, understand, process, strategize, analyze, and delve deeply. For me, I am most satisfied when I can engage my mind and harness that which God has blessed me with for engaging with the issues and hurts and pains that afflict this world.
So why did I play WoW (and FFXI, and DAoC)? To me, WoW is a finite world. It's a world that has been created by human hands with rules and structure imbued into it. The actual gameworld is finite. That being the case, it is something that I can apply my mind to and completely and totally understand even down to the mechanics. Knowledge Mastery; and my mind could revel in that.
The "real world" (and I use quotes because the experiences, friendships, relationships, hurts, and trials, faced within a virtual world are in my humble opinion are as valid as the "real world", but that's a discussion for another time.) however is not finite. When I'm dealing with drama in my ministry, or how to meet the needs of my graduating seniors to prepare them for life after college, or how to answer questions posed by some of my freshmen who don't follow Jesus, or when I wrestle with what the call is for the Christian church in the world today, or how to address the social justice issues of our time; these things are all infinite in scope. For me, as I bend my mind towards these issues, I am easily overwhelmed by them.
There are many deep primary reasons for playing an MMO: identity, community, significance, leadership, achievement, materialism, etc. The list can go on. For me, although many of those things are apparent as reasons for me to play (materialism, *cough* *cough*), none of them are my primary. After thinking about the things from the previous two paragraphs about a month ago, I realized that I play WoW as an escape. When my mind becomes overwhelmed by the processing of infinitely scoped issues, I want to retreat somewhere where I have knowledge mastery. For me, in recent memory, this has been MMORPGs.
Having realized that, I decided I did not want that to be true for me any longer. I no longer wanted to constrain my mind, the mind which God has given as my primary strength in this world, within the limited confines of a finite experience. Even if there are times when I will feel overwhelmed and I will have to cry out to God all the more, I want to be able to grow, to expand my mind. For me, that is why about a month ago I woke up and simply decided, it's time.
Again, just to say it one more time, this has been my journey this year, I do not write these things as anything other than the sharing of my experiences.
I want to mention a few people that have especially impacted me in my time gaming, they have been integral to me understanding that video games are a neutral entity that can have both negative and positive effects.
Taylor (aka Odale, aka Osirys) - You have been a faithful friend for so long. Since the days when we were brother friars. You've always been a willing ear to listen to the verbal processing of my rambling mind. I'm very thankful for your cheerful attitude, and fun spirit. I hope we can hang out again IRL in the future, that was a lot of fun earlier this year.
Matt - (aka Icthus) - You also have been a faithful friend since the days of DAoC. Always patient with my flitting about different guilds and never holding that against me. And each time, welcoming back to the family as if I had never left. Thank you as well for your hospitality the couple of times that I've visited. You and Taylor are both people that I point to whenever I get in discussions about how the relationships built in virtual worlds aren't really "real". You two are very real and tangible friends that having known, I am a much richer person. I hope to see you again in the future - I almost have enough frequent flyer miles for another trip out there! :-D
The Los Gatos crew - Thanks guys for welcoming me into the fold each time I've visited. It's been a joy sharing experiences and fellowship with you. I feel like I'm an old friend even though we've met just a few times. You guys are truly a warm group and privileged are any who cross your path. I hope also to see you all again in the future.
Luke (Lukey) and Chun (Terascan) - My IRL buddies from college. I'm glad that I've been able to connect with you guys still through the medium of gaming. You two have been good friends - we've been through celebrations and joys and travails and trials together. I look foward to the future to see what God has in store for you.
To everyone else in Redeemed, it's been a lot of fun and a worthwhile experience. I have no regrets for the time I've spent. Thank you for the memories.
What the future holds I don't know - I do not intend to play another MMO, though I still game occasionally (board games alot recently), and I don't plan to vanish.
I have feel spurred to write more in order to communicate the thoughts that God has set in my mind; I hope someday perhaps I can share that with you.
God bless.
November 10, 2007 - Miriallia's Last Breath.
Note 2: This is a serious wall of text as well, there is no TLDR. I hope that you would read it though.
----
... growling, she crashed through the woods, images swirled through her head, fading quickly becoming more blurry with each passing moment. She roared again, a word seared through her mind, justice. Yes, justice would be done, she would not let it end this way. Too slow. It's getting away. Hopeless. With night settling in and each moment the trail fading as the cold white stuff settled in more and more, coherent thought was degenerating into agonizing rage, and creeping fear. A howl of fury brought her to her hind legs. No, it would not end like this.
The bitter cold stung her flesh for a moment and she remembered her name. Miriallia. The whisper pierced through her mind. Blinking away tears bidden from the stinging cold, but more from the sudden clarity of thought, she willed herself, perhaps the final time, and suddenly the cold was a distant memory once again, ageless fur deflecting the effects of the wind and cold.
Summoning the the final wells of her flagging strength, she pounded through the tangled trees. Branches whirred by as yards ground away beneath her ancient paws. How long had she done this? How many times had she hunted her prey before? And yet this time, it was not food she sought but vengeance. Suddenly a scent wafted through the air. It snapped her back, how many miles had she just covered in a seeming moment? She saw the dancing flame of a campfire ahead and shadows moving around it. The smell was familiar, she had found her quarry.
In the past she vaguely remembered stalking her prey before the fateful attack, but she did not hesitate this time, as rage boiled over to fury she leapt over a fallen tree and crashed down the embankment. There would be no stalking this night. She heard yells and saw torches flutter, but she could no longer comprehend what that meant, the last flickers of humanity faded from her mind.
----
The snow seemed to muffle every sound save the nearest, but it couldn't muffle that one. A deep roar sounded off to the right of the cage; I couldn't see anything, but I knew. A moment later , out from the wood, she materialized. I called out, "Miri!" and a chorus of voices echoed mine. Some were crying and fearful, others were defiant, all were hopeful for the first time in days. Charis huddled near me whimpering, fearful of the sounds of the camp.
Her dark magnificent fur, still glimmering so regally, stood on end as she blazed by the fire. Pouncing, the first slaver went down, before I blinked again a second was on the ground, great paws rending through flesh. A few ineffective strikes and a cry of distress were all that a third could emit before he too was cast to the side. Suddenly the camp was alive with activity.
Attack! Attack! As two guards scrambled to make a stand against the phantom foe. She was hard to make out in the fading firelight, but her brilliant azure eyes shone with fury. You could hardly miss those. She quietly growled again, almost a purr, and sprang forward toward the two. A blow glanced of her shoulder, I couldn't tell if it bit. She shrugged it off though, her gaping maw clamping down on the nearer one's neck. A gurgled cry escaped from his lips. Before he hit the ground, I saw her leap over him at the other guard. Two swipes and his shield lay tattered, splinters cutting into his arm. He threw the sword and it stuck in the ground next to Miriallia and he fled.
Schwip! Schwip! I cried out as Miriallia roared in agony, two arrows burying their heads in her flank. She turned towards her assaulters and attacked, closing the distance in a flash. Before she reached them another arrow bit into her shoulder, I was weeping now. The blood was matting the magnificent coat as it flowed from the wounds.
The archers had no chance for a third volley. The great cat jumped on one, crushing his bow and splintering the wood into his chest, turning, it swatted another, flinging him into one of the shelters, the last did not hesitate, it turned and fled into the wood.
The cat seemed lost now, confused. What was wrong? "Miri" I called out, and she turned her head towards me. Those piercing blue eyes that seemed to see through all my facades into my soul gazed at me ferally. Miri? I questioned again. She moved closer, silently now, her eyes never wavering from mine. She stopped and I could feel her warm breath, coming in uneven bursts. She continued to look. Suddenly her features softened, as recognition seemed to dawn on her; I put my hand out through the bars and touched her wet nose and pinched her ear as I had done so often. She purred and rubbed her head against my arm.
She pulled at the gate with her paws, and the lock clinked against the metal. Dismayed, she pulled harder, but still it wouldn't give. I pulled her whiskers, getting her attention, and pointed at the first slaver that had gone down. He was the one who was in charge. She seemed to understand; padding over to the body, with her mouth she, dragged it over to the cage. I shuddered at touching the body, still radiating some warmth from the life that had recently left it. In the vest, I found the keys, our symbol of despair, now becoming our means for freedom. I fumbled with the lock, my hands stiff from the cold, but I managed to get it open. We pushed through the gate and enveloped the cat that had come to save us.
----
We trudged together back to the village. Yasako and Isako, the littlest ones clung to Miriallia's back. I piggy-backed Charis on mine, and Shannon walked on the other side, his smallish hands clinging to Miri's fur.
----
There was light ahead, but I couldn't comprehend what it meant. The wounds pulsed and burned with each slow step. The only other thing I could feel were small hands guiding me forward. We cleared the trees and approached the light. Something about home wisped through my mind. I wasn't sure. All I knew was weariness. My pack, my cubs, I've brought them back. A faint thought floated through the encroaching darkness. My friends. I've brought them home. With that the final strength of my legs seemed to fade and I simply collapsed. I could feel warm things around me and heard noises but I couldn't make them out save one, somehow I understood the whisper in my ear and the pinch, Corin's. Thank you. Thank you Miri. I purred and with it fluttered, my last breath.
------------------------------------------------
I want to thank you all for the wonderful time I've had adventuring alongside you all. It's been a lot of fun over the years, all the way back to Dark Age of Camelot.
I did want to share some thoughts about me and why I played, and why now is the time for me to move on.
2007 has been a good year for me, I've been serving as a campus minister now for 6 years and I feel like this is the first year where I'm starting to understand how God has created me and for what. One of the key things for me this year was going through a strengths assessment called Strengthfinders (2.0). Through that I came to realize that God's gift to me is my mind. That for some reason, he has granted me a mind that can comprehend, understand, process, strategize, analyze, and delve deeply. For me, I am most satisfied when I can engage my mind and harness that which God has blessed me with for engaging with the issues and hurts and pains that afflict this world.
So why did I play WoW (and FFXI, and DAoC)? To me, WoW is a finite world. It's a world that has been created by human hands with rules and structure imbued into it. The actual gameworld is finite. That being the case, it is something that I can apply my mind to and completely and totally understand even down to the mechanics. Knowledge Mastery; and my mind could revel in that.
The "real world" (and I use quotes because the experiences, friendships, relationships, hurts, and trials, faced within a virtual world are in my humble opinion are as valid as the "real world", but that's a discussion for another time.) however is not finite. When I'm dealing with drama in my ministry, or how to meet the needs of my graduating seniors to prepare them for life after college, or how to answer questions posed by some of my freshmen who don't follow Jesus, or when I wrestle with what the call is for the Christian church in the world today, or how to address the social justice issues of our time; these things are all infinite in scope. For me, as I bend my mind towards these issues, I am easily overwhelmed by them.
There are many deep primary reasons for playing an MMO: identity, community, significance, leadership, achievement, materialism, etc. The list can go on. For me, although many of those things are apparent as reasons for me to play (materialism, *cough* *cough*), none of them are my primary. After thinking about the things from the previous two paragraphs about a month ago, I realized that I play WoW as an escape. When my mind becomes overwhelmed by the processing of infinitely scoped issues, I want to retreat somewhere where I have knowledge mastery. For me, in recent memory, this has been MMORPGs.
Having realized that, I decided I did not want that to be true for me any longer. I no longer wanted to constrain my mind, the mind which God has given as my primary strength in this world, within the limited confines of a finite experience. Even if there are times when I will feel overwhelmed and I will have to cry out to God all the more, I want to be able to grow, to expand my mind. For me, that is why about a month ago I woke up and simply decided, it's time.
Again, just to say it one more time, this has been my journey this year, I do not write these things as anything other than the sharing of my experiences.
I want to mention a few people that have especially impacted me in my time gaming, they have been integral to me understanding that video games are a neutral entity that can have both negative and positive effects.
Taylor (aka Odale, aka Osirys) - You have been a faithful friend for so long. Since the days when we were brother friars. You've always been a willing ear to listen to the verbal processing of my rambling mind. I'm very thankful for your cheerful attitude, and fun spirit. I hope we can hang out again IRL in the future, that was a lot of fun earlier this year.
Matt - (aka Icthus) - You also have been a faithful friend since the days of DAoC. Always patient with my flitting about different guilds and never holding that against me. And each time, welcoming back to the family as if I had never left. Thank you as well for your hospitality the couple of times that I've visited. You and Taylor are both people that I point to whenever I get in discussions about how the relationships built in virtual worlds aren't really "real". You two are very real and tangible friends that having known, I am a much richer person. I hope to see you again in the future - I almost have enough frequent flyer miles for another trip out there! :-D
The Los Gatos crew - Thanks guys for welcoming me into the fold each time I've visited. It's been a joy sharing experiences and fellowship with you. I feel like I'm an old friend even though we've met just a few times. You guys are truly a warm group and privileged are any who cross your path. I hope also to see you all again in the future.
Luke (Lukey) and Chun (Terascan) - My IRL buddies from college. I'm glad that I've been able to connect with you guys still through the medium of gaming. You two have been good friends - we've been through celebrations and joys and travails and trials together. I look foward to the future to see what God has in store for you.
To everyone else in Redeemed, it's been a lot of fun and a worthwhile experience. I have no regrets for the time I've spent. Thank you for the memories.
What the future holds I don't know - I do not intend to play another MMO, though I still game occasionally (board games alot recently), and I don't plan to vanish.
I have feel spurred to write more in order to communicate the thoughts that God has set in my mind; I hope someday perhaps I can share that with you.
God bless.
November 10, 2007 - Miriallia's Last Breath.
