Writing Contest: Due 8/24

[dorkelf]

Sorry I haven't been keeping this thing going - I've finished graduate school (graduation ceremony is Saturday woot!) but I've now entered the world of customized resumes, applications and requirements for enrolling in a certification program, non-renewable certification testing (which took up most of last weekend)...you get the idea. I'm probably still not as busy as Tek these days, but for a scatter brained fellow like me its really a lot to do. Well enough excuses already, lets get back to the writing!

Instructions: Write a story involving an interesting techno-gadget. It doesn't have to be a gadget that actually exists. Or works properly.

Rules: 500 words maximum. Post your story here directly, or PM to me and I will post it for you (anonymously if you wish). Everyone who enters is expected to critique at least one other entry. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Paul

 

[cc.slim]

Daweezy's paradox (Entry #1)

Hahahahaha you Noobs! I have this contest in the bag.
I am going to invent a gadget with the likes that has never been seen.
I will make it round no wait I will make it a cube. A two inch by two inch flat black cube that will be a must have for everyone.
Oh you goobers might as well give up because when I am done with this cube it will be the cat’s meow of gadgets.
Yes you heard me right give up! Muhahahaha!

Why are you still reading?
Ok fine, just please don’t cry when you finish this story because you must know.
Now if you have inferiorities after reading this then I am in no way responsible for your actions because you were warned.

The trick is finding what the world needs and it needs my gadget.
It will be made from the wastes of by products from both organic and inorganic materials.
Of course I will make it indestructible and extremely light weight with no visible markings.
When introduced to water this cube will swell up to six times its size and emit a gas of yet to be determined nature.
Now you see why this gadget will be tough to beat because this cube will be a fuel cell that uses water.
Hahahaha give up you Noobs! Everybody needs cheap and easy energy!
Hahahaha you goofy goobers.
Plop the cube in your car and add water then shazam burnable energy.
The only dilemma that I have crossed is the fact that the cube is organic and inorganic.
The two different materials give me the option to choose from one of two types of gasses.
Clean energy derived from water can be environmentally safe hydrogen in the inorganic sense.
The other gas would be methane escaping the metabolic state of organic materials
Now do you get it? I have the greatest of all gizmos around
One dilemma and that is the gas itself.
Do I stay with the concept of hydrogen or do I utilize methane.
Hmm do you think it’s a tough choice?
Hehehe! Not a hard choice for me!
When I am done with this cube all of you will be stinkers.
So you lil stinkers top that! wOOt!!!!

 

[dorkelf]

Non-entry story

New, from the makers of LOG!

Its LOG, its LOG, its big its heavy its wood!
Its LOG its LOG its better than bad, its good!

A revolutionary product crucial for survival in the 21st century!
If you thought wood is good, just wait until you try this!

And what is it, you ask?

Its a FRAGRANCE! MIRACLE DRUG! COFFEE FLAVORING! CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD! *

*This statement has not been evaluated by the American Medical Associarion and is not, in fact, true.


Now available in a convenient 16oz purse spray, it's:

POLITICS-B-GONE!

That's right! You can now avoid infuriating political disagreements without the need for socially snubbing others! Never risk your life again by telling someone how wacked out their politics really are! Just aim one precisely-dosed spray in their general direction, or covertly squirt some in their drink, and you will have instant acquiescence! Experience the joy of watching them nearly bite their tongues off trying to apologize for their political ignorance! (The makers of this product are not responsible for physical harm or litigation resulting from tongue biting). You'll be patting your former foe on the back as you leave with a big smile on your face - a smile that will be even whiter when you realize...why yes...

POLITICS-B-GONE IS ALSO AN EFFECTIVE TOOTH POLISH! *

This statement has not been evaluated by the American Dental Association, but four out of five dentists don't know enough about our product to contradict it!

 

[Lazarus]

Untitled (Entry #2)

Man. I still don't know how we ever lived without the CompuTronic. My parents say life was much more peaceful before, but - it must have been soooo boring.

Just look at all you can do with a CompuTronic - play computer games, console games, handheld games - and even real-life games!
Of course, I never do anything but play games now, but still - look over here at the computer screen..

Have you ever seen so many icons?? Every game ever created - ready to play with one click! Isn't it wonderful!

My parents said it was something that um... I really shouldn't repeat. But who cares - the CompuTronic makes life so much fun! I spend all my time having fun.
Even when I sleep, I sleep in my CompuTronic(which only cost $34999, btw). The deluxe edition lets you play games in your dreams!
I've racked up some of my highest frag scores in World of Starcrafter when I was asleep.

You wanna know the best part?
It has a food generation unit built-in! I can eat inside this thing - I never have to leave it!
My parents grumble about having to refill the food generator with fuel, but hey - that's their problem. I'm too busy having fun.

So lemme just say - if you were wondering if the CompuTronic is a good buy, wonder no more. It's a great buy! You don't even need to buy a house!

Which could be problematic anyway, considering how expensive the thing is... but you can park it on a streetcorner and live inside it!
I've taken too much time writing this. Back to the CompuTronic - I heard StadiumNet's latest Parkour-War expansion is coming out tonight and I don't want to miss it.

TTYL *bleep*

*Attention. This is the CompuTronic 9000 speaking. Please step away from this machine, it is in operation and cannot be disturbed. If you do not cease and desist you will be vaporized.*

*sticks his head out*
Built-in nag-remover! Actually, that's why my parents don't bother me about it anymore - the CompuTronic zapped their tongues off.
*head disappears again*

 

[Neirai the Forgiven]

Untitled (Entry #3)

It was morning. I knew it was morning, even though the sky was still pitch black. Something had changed -- the clear, open water below me had quietly begun to move, slowly drifting towards the south.

Suddenly a bright line split the heavens from the eastern horizon to the furthest point in the west. The sky was opening; soon the day would begin.

As the crack in the sky grew wider and wider, bright sunlight began to cascade down upon me. I quickly looked down to make sure that I stood above the sunken island in the middle of the sea. It was directly below me, its blue ridges tensed in preparation for the incoming barrage of photons.

I hate my life. All day, every day, from the moment the sky cracks open until the time that it mercifully closes again, I must make sure to chase the island, always ensuring that my body protects it from the sun. If I fail, I shall be removed, discarded, and replaced with someone else. My only motivation is self-preservation.

One day I hope that God will deal harshly with whoever invented such a thing as self-aware robo-osmotic contact lenses.

 

[dorkelf]

votez

 

[ChickenSoup]

I like how Laz uses abbreviations as if he's posting in a thread. "btw" and "TTYL" and all that. Gives me the feeling that this actually is a guy living, sleeping, and eating all in a giant game system that zaps off the tongues of nagging parents.

 

[cc.slim]

I liked the way Neirai teased my thoughts by focusing the reader to a island then turning the story to a minds reality.

 

[dorkelf]

And by a narrow margin of one vote, Lazarus manages to zap away all competition and claim yet another writing assignment victory. Nice work!

Paul