Divorce

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wowAbdi

Member
Well after 2.5 years, my wife and I came to a mutual decision that it is time for us to split up. We have a hard time agreeing on anything, and we don't want to make things hard on our daughter. Please pray for us that we keep things civil, and most importantly the well being of our daughter at our fore thoughts.

THanks :-)
Ericin / Kutless
Matt.
 
im sure you already know this but, divorce is an atom bomb of destruction, with both the parents and the child. take it from me my wife walked out when our child was 3, 4 years ago. avoid it at all costs. if the two are believers you can make it (put Jesus 1st). I dont think there is anything quite as destructive as divorce. perhaps there is, I cant think of it however because its so personal and you cant escape it, meaning the changes you are making will last a life time, especially with a child.
-Matt, forgiven wow guild
 
i am a child of divorce. It's an ugly messy process that lasts a lifetime.

One question before i opine:

Are you and your wife both believers?
 
wowAbdi said:
Well after 2.5 years, my wife and I came to a mutual decision that it is time for us to split up. We have a hard time agreeing on anything, and we don't want to make things hard on our daughter. Please pray for us that we keep things civil, and most importantly the well being of our daughter at our fore thoughts.

THanks :-)
Ericin / Kutless
Matt.
Click to expand...

Then let me be blunt, fix your problems! A divorce isn't a good idea ever if it can be avoided and its never ever ever good for the child. Believe me I have first hand experience.
 
There are multitude of problems that were in our marriage, religion being one of them. While we both believe in Jesus Christ and are both baptized, we both have very different views of the bible and that is all I will say on that part. Another one was that my wife never acted like my wife, she was disrespectful to me, and my family. She was very disrespectful to my religious beliefs because they didn't agree with hers. And one of the most agitating things is that she kept on insisting for me to find a new job when one didn't alow her enough "me" time when she contributes nothing but child care to the family. WHile I appreciated her taking care of our daughter, there is more to marriage then just raising the child and pleasing our carnal desires that she couldn't offer. She was always eager to put me down for not spending enough time with our daughter (which was only when I'm working), not making enough money ( I make 32k year, she doesn't and refused to find a job), and sided with her mother anytime we got in an arguement (even though I defended her when I shouldn't). Yes; divorce is awful on a child I agree, but I also find that a miserable marriage is even more awful on a child, husband, and wife. My wife also frequently accused me of being unfaithful to her when I was driving trucks last year which lead me to quitting to come home. I never once cheated on her, or thought about it but she still holds me to it to this day. Im not all for fixing the problems, and she refuses to find a new congregation when her pastors mouth flows like a river of lies and hypocricy. As long as she is at that church then I will not and refuse to allow that pastor to council us when his family is a facade of fanatisim. Maybe one day her and I will be able to work it out before the divorce is final. But unless she has an epiphany, then I doubt her and I will ever work it out before then. These are all things I have discussed with her, and she thinks she has done nothing wrong. That is why we decided a divorce would be better, we are both miserable together. I think Im done with my rant now.
 
Im still in the process of finding a new church. The hardest part has been training myself to get up enough because I don't get home and in bed till 1am-2am sunday morning. Now that I'm staying with my parents though they've agreed to wake me up early sunday morning so I can pick up my daughter and take her to the church Im looking to start at. It's one I've attended before as a vistor as a kid, unfortunately though the pastor that was there when I was a kid has gone to another church, so I would like to get to know the new pastor first. Actually the former pastor is a great teacher and I may go to his new church. I wonder what kind of lesson he could pull from the bible and the windows vista manual. He actually did one for Windows 95, on how it's a book of directions for using computers and that if you falter from it, you may mess up a system. Then he compared the bible and preached how it is the book of books to guide us on how to live our lives in service to the Lord. All in all, one of the best sermons I had ever heard lol. THe whole 1am-2am thing is because of work.

Thanks;
Ericin / Kutless
Matt.
 
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ok..if you have no eveidence of your wife committing adultery you don't have biblical grounds for divorce. Fivorce is going to damage your child(ren) for their entire lives.

Matthew 5:32:
32But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Frankly,
You need to work to save the marriage..no matter what. IF you want to be biblical when it comes to divorce it is HER that has to initiate..but until the divorce is final it is up to you to attempt to save it.
 
It sounds like you are working a night shift. Most of the people I know that do that end up having major issues with their family (usually because they only get to spend a few minutes with each other on work days and weekends are hell due to different sleep schedules).

Religions is a personal matter. You can persuade, but do not try to force the issue. Even though they are family members, they still have a free will. Trying to force someone to see your viewpoint can be very frustrating. Have you tried confronting the pastor? If you don't feel like talking you could always write a letter with no return address and drop it off at the post office.
 
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I will pray for you, but I do want to share you the story of my sister, this is all still in progress and very new, so I can't give you the ultimate outcome.

Over the past several years, my sister and her husband have been growing apart from eachother, and from the church. My sister had been sensing increasing distance especially over the last few months, and about a month ago, having nothing left inside her, she laid down before God and prayed for His guidance and help to save their marriage.

The very next day, her friend called her and said "hey I just saw this moving Fireproof, you should see it!". So she did, and went out that night and bought the love dare. The next day she started the love dare, that same day her husband told her he had been having an affair for 6 months and wished for a divorce.

Committed to her promise to God when they were married, her desire to live a life of Jesus and forgive, and her love for her family, she instead decided to fight for her marriage and plow through with the love dare. Last I knew she was on around Day 25, and the change in her is immense. Not only that, but I have had the pleasure of talking to her husband over the last week or so, over nothing in particular (certainly not about their problems) and the tone in his voice was simply amazing. My brother in law has never been particularly nice to me, and conversations usually feel forced and uncomfortable. This conversation in particular was upbeat, comfortable, and normal.

You came to a Christian site asking for Christian help. My advice to you is to lay down before our Savior and ask for His help. Remember that you promised God that you would see this marriage through good times and bad.

I write this not with the intention of being condescending or judgmental, I write it out of love and hope that you can salvage the gift that God gave you.
 
Maybe, instead of divorce, a period of separation would be good. It would give you both time to get through both of your issues and while I don't know you, as you have a side to the story of complaints against her, she has them against you. Both lists maybe valid, they may not. Sometimes our perceptions cloud reality. Ultimately, though, as you both are Christians, you goal should be to heal your marriage. It really is not best for your daughter if you split. While it will be bumpy, it will be best for her if you and your wife to work through your challenges and then come back together.

Will be praying for you

Gen

p.s. If divorce is an option when two people get married, then why bother getting married to begin with?
 
I don't know the statistics, but I think I've read that couples who separate or "take a break" are actually more likely to end up with a divorce. Just wanted to throw that out there....
 
yea your definitely at a crossroads. you both are christians, thats enough. take yourself to your parents church and ask for marriage councilor. 10 years from now you can have a great marriage, and look back on this as a building process (have friends in this category). or 10 years from now you can look back and see the devastation of divorce and the opportunity you have now will be a distant memory. (im in this category).
-Matt
 
I don't know the statistics, but I think I've read that couples who separate or "take a break" are actually more likely to end up with a divorce. Just wanted to throw that out there....
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that's true. I guess the big thing is that both parties are really committed to working things out in their marriage. I know that when my hubby and I have a fight, we occasionally need to go our separate ways for a little bit and cool down (plus give the other person a chance to do the same) and then come back and work it out. But, we also went into our marriage with a "Divorce is not an option" commitment.

Just remember (and I really am saying this in love, not to condemn or criticize) you both made a covenant before God. He can restore your marriage if you both give Him the chance.

Will continue to pray for you
 
if if SHE does not give it the chance it is up to HER to initiate and follow through with the divorce. Biblically it is your job to try to save it until that divorce is finalized.
 
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