You are right, Mr. Bill, and I am trying not to give into frustration. I appreciate your patient encouragement

I think my biggest frustration is my own lack of ability to describe Him. I love a hymn called The Love of God, in part it reads:
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints' and angels' song.
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
I think the same can be said about describing God. The more I know, the more there is to know, and my description is limited by my lack of knowledge, and the limit of human vocabulary.
DV drops the gloves, then punches me with his bare fist!!
Considering these verses:
But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
Hebrews 11:16
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17
and the fact that God cannot/will not lie, and that every promise will come to fruition...all is not lost for you! I am concerned about your sources, and I have said that before. If I have a drug problem, I will not be hanging out in Harlem and partaking with them in order for the strong hold of drug abuse to be released in my life. You say, "WANTING something to be true doesn't make it TRUE." Yet, faith is the substance of our belief...this is a catch-22.
GGGGGrr you, DV! The Tower of Babel? The enemy so enjoys twisting the Word. God confounded their language! He was not confusing them. The Bible is true. Period. He is not the author of confusion.
It is that vast storehouse of knowledge, links and resources that have put me on the path I am on.
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105
That is what I am getting at. You are on the wrong path...more like a slippery slope!
OY! This is not about DENIAL. What is so painfully difficult about understanding that? Were this about outright denial then I wouldn't care what you thought now would I?
Yes, you would care, I'm just lovable!

Perhaps due, in part, to my inferior knowledge handicap!
I cannot comprehend. Nothing against you, Mr. Bill, Jim...any unbeliever...it frightens me to death to even dream of the possibility He does not exist! Before I was saved, I knew that I was running from Him, I knew as a very little girl that He existed. I used to think of how lonely He must have been before He created anything. I would try and imagine the darkness...Awful! Unimaginable! An old Saint once said if you want God you have already found Him. That just somehow does not seem to be true in you cases.
I agree wholeheartedly with Didasko. I am in hopes you will take all those words to heart. Please know, words may get seemingly harsh, but everyone here loves you guys and cares for your soul or they wouldn't give you the time of day. And when you are talking about God, you are talking about our Father...who is very real to us. We are not heartless, tragedies like this, and the ones that strike us personally, leave us questioning. Yet, by faith, we know He has the whole world in His hands. He cast the enemy down. He won't stop Him yet, (while He could, it has something to do with the Spiritual realm and laws that I don't think anyone will truly understand in full, this side of Heaven), but He will turn our tears into miraculous joy and work all out for our good!