In the Words of a Gerbil...


Official Internet Mom
Staff member

Many Tuesdays our Leader Gerbil finds creative ways to invite players to play! These are a few of his shenanigans!

Tuesday, July 17, 2018 Mighty Gerbil ... Casual Toj TF2 Game Night needs you! /points finger directly at you Uncle Sam style, out of your screen, from across the interwebs. Join now if you are a patriot! /hums national anthem.


Tuesday, July 24, 2018 Mighty Gerbil ... Casual 9:34 PM/cue original Power Rangers theme

After ten thousand minutes it's free.
It's time to conquer TF2.

Raysoul all the crazies have escaped.
Recruit teams of teenagers with attitudes.



For educational purposes...


Tuesday, July 31, 2018 Mighty Gerbil ... Casual 9:42 PM
Are you taken for a ne'er-do-well when you want to be a lovable scamp?
Did immolating your friends only leave an awkward silence?
Did high explosives make people love you to bits or just bits of people?
Do you try to stab people only to have them miss the point?

Don't make these social faux pas and risk rejection in real life.

Hone your shenanigans on Toj TF2 game night lest they be confused for tomfoolery.

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Tuesday, August 7, 2018 Mighty Gerbil... Casual 10:07 PM
Do you find yourself mumbling incoherently while cooking over an open flame?
Seeing double and you think one of those people must be a spy?
Strange cravings for sandwiches but you'll only eat them from a plate on the floor?

I'm not a doctor but I play one in a game and that qualifies me to say you may be suffering from a vitamin "TF2" deficiency. Unless treated quickly strangers online, whose opinion matters most, could diagnose you as a scrub, newb or you could be told to "get good". This horrific disfigurement can lead some to withdraw entirely from online gaming and become a "weeboo", "role player" or even the dreaded "employed".

There is hope though. Patients that take Toj TF2 game night once a week report a full recovery!

Side effects may include lack of sleep and an uncontrollable urge to make puns.


Tuesday, August 14, 2018 Mighty Gerbil... Casual 9:39 PM

We interrupt your regularly scheduled cat video to bring you breaking news...

Our roaming Soldier in the sky reports he's got a pile up of dead bodies on "Fastlane" and 2 dominations.
A weather alert of an approaching "Coldfront" has Jack Frost nipping at your back with a Spycicle.
In human interest, we'll teach you how to make a healthy second banana snack straight from "Banana Bay".

...and of course we'll cover the most horrific train wreck of them all Toj TF2 game night!
Tune in right now to get all the breaking news firsthand or just break some newbs firsthand!


Tuesday, August 21, 2018 Mighty Gerbil... Casual 10:27 PM
(as sung to Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo)

Ahattaonyoua makesagabe moola
Put them together and what have you got

Memesloola lotsa hooha
Put them together and what have you got
Toj Team Fortress 2!

Oddly enough just like the movie our magic ends around midnight and we have a whimsical rodent too.
Reference for the youngsters...

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Tuesday, August 27, 2018 Mighty Gerbil... Casual 10:36 PM

HALT MORTAL! If you want to play with me you must answer these questions three!
Where maps reside and bans applied and every Tuesday people enticed inside.
Where walls are referenced and culture too this place of madness now calls to you.
Where memes dwell and players pell-mell. What is this place of insanity, do tell?


YES! The answer to the unsolvable riddle of the ages is Toj TF2 Game night!

Now the hard question is to answer is what map people want to play.
Ah well the nice thing about TF2 is I can always choose a map where I can chuck them off a bridge.
Reference for the youngsters...

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Tuesday, September 25, 2018 Mighty Gerbil.... Casual 10:16 PM

(in a Grisly Humphrey Bogart voice)

The water was pouring down like a roaming Soldier's rockets when she walked through the door.
She was built like a bucket of gasoline, shapeless and lighting everything on fire, but I knew it was a she because a million internet conspiracy theorists can't be wrong.
She mumbled over and lit my cigarette... and my trench coat and the plastic plant in the corner.
This girl was getting me hot under the collar but before I could get updated on what game she was playing a shot rang out.
I dove to the ground like a sandvich tossed out by a Heavy but the girl got a new ventilator hole in her gas mask.
Glancing through the window the assassin disappeared like Half Life 3 leaving me with a whole lot of questions.
I knew there was only one place where I could get answers... Toj TF2 Game Night!

16fukf.jpg Mighty Gerbil... Casual 10:07 PM

It's make a meme time with Gerbil!
Mix and match any of the following to become internet famous!

Reference entertainment media out of context. Now you have the high ground!
Give attention to people making fools of themselves for attention. Everybody wins just not on their SATs!
Show an animal looking like they are doing something human. Anything can wear a pancake!
Say random things until everyone else repeats them.
Say random things until everyone else repeats them.
Say random things until everyone else repeats them.

...and that's how,
in a freak meme related overdose
involving Chuck Norris and friendship magic,
Toj TF2 Game Night was born.


[Tuesday 9:58 PM] Mighty Gerbil Casual:

More taunts than politics!
More explosions than Micheal Bay eating a dynamite burrito!
More hats than a bald beachcomber's closet!
More bugs than a Microsoft picnic!
More than a feeling. When I hear that old song they used to play!
Mo money, mo money, mo money!
More obscure culture references than anyone is likely to get!

All on Toj TF2 Game Night until you just can't take it no more!

Reference for the youngsters...

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Tuesday, November 20, 2018 [Tuesday 9:48 PM] Mighty Gerbil Casual:

/In gruff Dragon Ball Z voice/

Last time on TF2 Toj Tuesday...

Soldier: You won't defeat me! Begins yelling aaaAAA...
Pyro: Uses magical girl friendship fire attack.
Soldier: Continues yelling...
Heavy: Gets beat up a lot before winning.
Medic: Powers up achieving final "Uber" form.

Meanwhile a bunch of people stand around talking while a couple others fight.
It's confirmed TF2 Toj game night is now an anime.

Soldier: Still has three episodes of yelling to go...


[12/11/2018, 10:22 PM] Mighty Gerbil Casual:
/as sung to Rudolph the Red Nosed Raindeer

You know Dasher and Doctor
And Marksman and Buildin',
Rockets and Fat Guy
And Stabber and Bombin'.

But do you recall the most annoying class of all...
Mumbles the red hot Pyro had a very scalding hose.
And if you ever saw it Pyro would ignite your clothes.
All of the other classes used to laugh and called it names.


...but don't worry you can just respawn on Toj TF2 game night right now!
Why gift out coal to naughty people when you can just light them on fire directly?

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[12/18/2018, 10:13 PM] Mighty Gerbil Casual:

On the 12th day of Christmas TF2 dropped for me...

12 Crates a-trashing
11 Weapons scraping
10 Players chatting
9 Emotes for dancing
8 Scouts a-milking
7 Trolls a-grieving
6 Hats for wearing
4 Calling pms
3 French Spies
2 Turtle Engies
and some Toj on a game night!

Merry Christmas to you and a Happy Birthday to Jesus! :)


Tuesday, January 8, 2019

[9:52 PM] Mighty Gerbil:
Prepare for hats, and a furry rat.
To protect the internet from troll depredations,
To unite all players for our game night duration,
To announce the Gerbil's spam of love,
To expand our server count to the stars above.


Toj Night starts off at the speed of light!

GERBTH, that's right!

Yup I'm a Pokemon now GERBTH! err... GERBASAUR! em... Gerbachu?

Whatever, I don't have a Pokemon type I just shank people who try to put me in a ball.
Reference for the youngsters...

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January 15th [9:45 PM] Mighty Gerbil:
Computer slower than a narcoleptic turtle eating peanut butter?
Think you may need a replacement but don't know your SSDs from your BVDs?
Don't test for antiquated and meaningless terms like "FPS".

The smart gamer tests for the needs of modern games "HPS".
Hats per second.

Cosmetics in games are in.
If your computer can't clip five inside each other how can you create new and hip abominations of nature?
How will you be ready for the next Goat Simulator DLC?
If no one buys EA's latest loot crates how can they parasitically feed on other companies?

Benchmark your computer now with the industry standard for HPS TF2!


Island Shenanigans

[Tuesday 9:43 PM] Mighty Gerbil:
/a short story sung to the theme of Gilligan's Isle

Just sit right back, I'll pm a tale
a tale of a faithful clanship,
that started from an ether port,
aboard a computer chip.

The admin was a Mighty Gerbil man,
the server behaved and secure,
fine players set to play that day,
for a three hour tour,
or maybe just endure.

The server started getting rough,
the tiny chip was DDoSed.
If not for the cludging of the clueless shrew
the connection would be lost.
The connection would be lost.

The map unzip found them in the spawn of this
un-textured alpha map
with Militiaman,
the Scooter too.
The Guy everywhere with his knife,
the Pyrosaur,
the Erector and Medic Man,
here on TF2 NIGHT!

The end credit song would be "this is the tale of our Tojs, they're here for a long, long time."
Now if only the Heavy had a Skipper hat he could hit a Scout in a Gilligan hat with...
Reference for the youngsters...

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Tuesday, January 29, 2019 Mighty Gerbil:

/A message from the new Toj Foreign outreach program

/Spanish - Perry Como esta? Sombrero explosión hora?

/Swedish - De flippen floppen hatt wearen och bom timme? Ja?

/Japanese - Hati boomatsu sūpā happi timean!

Even in a foreign language the universal message of hats and explosions shines through!
Toj TF2 game night bringing people closer together by blowing them apart.

..."Hats and Explosions" sounds like a chain store just waiting to happen.


Tuesday, February 5, 2019 Mighty Gerbil:

/the following is a paid advertisement

Hi Phil Swift here from Flex Tape and Flex Seal now with my new "Flex Hat".
The super-strong waterproof hat that can seal itself to the head of even the most hat loss prone.
Flex Hat is no ordinary hat it's triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to your skin, instantly stopping any attempt to remove it.
Lost hats can cause major damage to your pocketbook, but Flex Hat grips on tight and bonds instantly to you, FOREVER!
Now you can patch grievous head wounds while bleeding, without bandages!
Flex Hat is perfect for pockets, campers and flankers!
To show you the power of Flex Hat I'm on a TF2 game night held together with only Flex Hats, while hungry Pyrosharks swim below me!
Yee-doggy! Just place it on your head and try to forget it's there!
Imagine everything you can do with the power of Flex Hat because there is no going back!

Yes the subtext is Toj TF2 Game Night is held together with hats.
Reference for the meme illiterate...

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Tuesday, February 12, 2019 9:56 PM Mighty Gerbil:

Goldipyro and the three servers.

Once upon a time, there was a TF2 player named Goldipyro. She... he... it went for a walk in the forest.
In the forest were many trees.
Goldipyro tried to burn one but it was too green.
"mah muh" It exclaimed.
So it tried another tree but it was too small and burnt itself out before spreading.
"mah muh" It exclaimed.
But the third tree was just right and Goldipyro happily torched nature.
"MRR MRRRRR!!!" It exclaimed.
Pretty soon it came upon a house.
Also torched along with some chairs, porridge, beds and any bears hiding from the now raging forest fire.
Goldipyro decided to join a server needing a place to hide from the po po.
The first server was too bland running only stock maps.
The second server was too weird playing only all crit orange maps.
but the third server was just weird enough being...

TOJ TF2 GAME NIGHT! Where you can torch bears and the po po won't chase you.

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