ChickenSoup
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The first POTC movie
Captain Jack Sparrow
* Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term.
* [after Elizabeth accepts Commodore Norrington's marriage proposal] A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around!
* Norrington to Jack: "You are by far the worst pirate I've every heard of."
Jack: "but you have heard of me."
* Now, bring me that horizon. [starts muttering the tune to "Yo ho, A Pirate's Life for Me"] And really bad eggs. Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
* If you were waiting for the opportune moment . . . that was it.
* Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.
* Stop blowing holes in my ship!
* Your funeral...
* It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships; pick up a crew in Tortuga; raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out.
* You need to find yourself a girl, mate.
* Or, perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you've already found one, and are otherwise incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?
* ...and then they made me their chief.
* But why is the rum gone?
* What do you say to three shillings and we forget the name?
* Unless of course he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you.
* Will you be saving her then?
* Pride of the King's navy, you are.
* Clearly, you've never been to Singapore.
* Mr.Cotton, do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death?
* Mr.Cotton...'s parrot. Same question.
* I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh?. Spiritually. Ecumenically. Grammatically.
* The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers.
* Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.
* You forgot one very important thing, mate... I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
* Son, I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?
* You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Captain Jack Sparrow!
* This is the day that you will always remember as the day that y– [falls off a cliff]
* No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?
* [talking to Will Turner about Elizabeth] She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington just like she promised and you get to die for her just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really... Except for Elizabeth, who is in fact a woman.
* You look somewhat familiar, have I threatened you before?
[edit]
William Turner
* This is your able-bodied crew?
* If all I have achieved here is the hangman will earn two pairs of boots instead of one, so be it. At least my conscience will be clear.
* I make a point of avoiding familiarity with pirates.
* I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it!
* It's right here: between you and Jack.
* Aye! Avast!
[edit]
Elizabeth Swann
* I think it would be rather exciting to meet a pirate.
* Well women in London must have learned not to breathe.
* You like pain? Try wearing a corset!
* [After Norrington's proposal] I can't breathe...
* You may tell the captain I am disinclined to acquiesce to his request.
[edit]
Captain Barbossa
* There were a lot of long words in there, miss. We're naught but humble pirates.
* You're off the edge of the map, mate. Here there be monsters!
* Now, y'see, Jack, that's exactly the attitude that lost you the Pearl. People are easier to search when they're dead.
* What are you looking at? Back to work!
* The moonlight shows us for what we really are. We are not among the livin', and so we cannot die, but neither are we dead. For too long I've been partched of thirst and unable to quench it! Too long I've been starvin' to death and haven't died! I feel nothing! Not the wind on my face, nor the spray of the sea... nor the warmth of a woman's flesh...
* Ye'd best start believin' in ghost stories, Miss Turner; yer in one!
* Get after them, you feckless pack of ingrates!!
* Gents, take a walk!
* I feel . . . cold. [Dies]
* I am disinclined to aquiesce to your request. Means no.
* (monkey hands him the piece of Aztec Gold he has spent ten years looking for)(Jack Sparrow has been chasing the monkey over a mast [fallen down] to try and get the gold back)(looks at Jack) Why, thank you, Jack. Jack: *shrugs* Barbossa: Not you. We named the monkey..'Jack'
[edit]
Commodore Norrington
* I intend to see to it that any man who sails under a pirate flag or wears a pirate brand gets what he deserves: A short drop and sudden stop.
* Well, I trust you will always remember this as the day that Captain Jack Sparrow almost escaped. Take him away.
* Consider them marked. On your way.
* You will accompy these fine men to the Brigg, where you will spend the rest of this voyage concemplating all possible meanings of the term: "As silent as the grave."
[edit]
Mr. Gibbs
* It's bad luck to have a woman on board. Even a miniature one.
* Everyone's thinking it, I'm just saying it: pirates.
* Curse ya for breathin', ya slack-jawed idiot!
* Blast, I'm already awake!
[edit]
Other
* Prisoner: [after a cannon blasts only his cell open, leaving Jack trapped] My sympathies, friend. You've no manner of luck at all.
[edit]
Dialogue
Elizabeth: Will, how many times must I ask you to call me Elizabeth?
Will: At least once more, Miss Swann, as always.
Mullroy: This dock is off limits to civilians.
Jack Sparrow: I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately.
Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies!
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess. It's my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasly black guts out!
Murtogg: I seek no lies!
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth...
Murtogg: If he was telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told it to you.
Norrington: [Examining Jack's possessions] No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point North... [Pulls Jack's sword from its scabbard] And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are, without a doubt, the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.
Captain Groves: That's got to be the best pirate I've ever seen.
Norrington: So it would seem.
Jack Sparrow: I know those guns! [Looks out the window] It's the Pearl.
Prisoner: The Black Pearl? I've heard stories. She's been preying on ships and settlements for near ten years. Never leaves any survivors.
Jack Sparrow: No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?
Elizabeth: Captain Barbossa, I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal.
Barbossa: There be a lot of long words in there, miss. We're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?
Elizabeth: I want you to leave and never come back.
Barbossa: I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request.
Elizabeth: ...
Barbossa: Means "no."
Elizabeth: You have to take me to shore! According to the Code of the Order of the Brethren–
Barbossa: First, your return to shore was not part of our negotiations nor our agreement, so I 'must' do nothin'. And secondly, you must be a pirate for the pirate's code to apply, and you're not. And thirdly, the code is more what you call guidelines than actual rules. Welcome aboard the Black Pearl, Miss Turner.
Barbossa: Have some wine... and an apple. One of those next.
Elizabeth: It's poisoned.
Barbossa: You don't know what this is, do you?
Elizabeth: It's a pirate medallion.
Barbossa: This is Aztec gold. One of 882 identical pieces they delivered in a stone chest to Cortez himself. Blood money paid to stem the slaughter he wreaked upon them with his armies, but the greed of Cortez was insatiable. So the heathen gods placed upon the gold... a terrible curse. Any mortal that removes but a single piece from that stone chest shall be punished for eternity.
Elizabeth: I hardly believe in ghost stories anymore, Captain Barbossa.
Barbossa: Aye. That's exactly what I thought when we were first told the tale. Buried on an island of dead what cannot be found, 'cept for those who know where it is. Find it, we did. There be the chest. Inside be the gold. And we took 'em all! We Spent 'em, and traded 'em. And Fritted 'em on drink and food and pleasurable company. The more we gave 'em away, the more we came to realise. The drink would not satisfy. Food turned to ash in our mouths. And all the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust. We are cursed men, Mss Turner. Compelled by greed we were, but now we are consumed by it. There is one way we can end our curse. All the sca'ered pieces of the Aztec gold must be restored, and the blood repaid. Thanks to ye, we have the final piece.
Elizabeth: And the blood to be repaid?
Barbossa: That's why there's no sense to be killin' ya. Yet. Apple?
[Jack throws a bucket of water on the sleeping Gibbs]
Mr. Gibbs: Curse ya for breathin', ya slack-jawed idiot!! [Recognizes Jack] Mother's love. Jack! You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleepin'. It's bad luck.
Jack Sparrow: Fortunately, I know how to counter it: The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping a drink; the man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking.
Mr. Gibbs: Aye, that'll about do it.
[Will throws more water on Mr. Gibbs]
Mr. Gibbs: Blast, I'm already awake!!
Will Turner: That was for the smell.
Jack Sparrow: Scarlett!
[Scarlett slaps him]
Jack Sparrow: Not sure I deserved that. [sees Giselle] Giselle!
Giselle: Oh who's she?
Jack Sparrow: Wha-?
[Giselle slaps him]
Jack: I may have deserved that.
Jack Sparrow: Anamaria.
[Anamaria slaps him]
Will Turner: [to Jack] I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?
Jack Sparrow: No, that one I deserved.
Anamaria: You stole my boat!
Jack Sparrow: Actually–
[she slaps him again]
Jack Sparrow: Borrowed.... Borrowed, without permission... but with every intention of bringing it back!
Anamaria: But you didn't!
Jack Sparrow: You'll get another one!
Anamaria: I will.
Will Turner: A better one!
Jack Sparrow: A better one!
Will Turner: [Pointing to the Interceptor] That one!
Jack Sparrow: What one? [Sees; angered] That one?! [turns to Anamaria, calmly] Aye, that one!
Jack Sparrow: That is the child of Bootstrap Bill Turner. His only child. Savvy?
Mr. Gibbs: 'Leverage,' says you. 'I think I feel a change in the wind,' says I.
Jack Sparrow: You, sailor.
Mr. Gibbs: Cotton, sir.
Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton. Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? [Pause] Mr. Cotton! Answer, man!
Mr. Gibbs: He's a mute, sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him... no one's yet figured how.
Jack Sparrow: Mr. Cotton's... parrot. Same question.
Parrot: [squawk] Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!
Mr. Gibbs: Mostly, we figure, that means 'yes.'
Jack Sparrow: Of course it does. [to Will] Satisfied?
Will Turner: Well, you've proved they're mad.
Will Turner: [Skeptically] He roped a couple of sea turtles?
Mr. Gibbs: Aye, sea turtles!
Will Turner: What did he use for rope?
Jack Sparrow: Human hair... from my back.
Barbossa: You expect to leave me standin' on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?
Jack Sparrow: No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on my ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?
Barbossa: But that still leaves us with the problem of me standin' on some beach with naught but a name and your word it's the one I need.
Jack Sparrow: Of the two of us, I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny; therefore. . . my word is the one we'll be trusting. Although, I s'pose I should be thanking you because, in fact, if you hadn't betrayed me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse, same as you. Funny ol' world, innit?
Barbossa: Why, thank you, Jack.
Jack Sparrow: You're welcome.
Barbossa: Not you; we named the monkey Jack.
Jack Sparrow: No! Not good! Stop! Not good. . . What're you doing? You've burned all the food, the shade... the rum!
Elizabeth: Yes, the rum is gone!
Jack Sparrow: Why is the rum gone?!
Elizabeth: One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels; two, that signal is over a thousand feet high! The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me. Do you really think there is even the slightest chance that they won't see it?
Jack Sparrow: But why is the rum gone?
Elizabeth: Just wait, Captain Jack Sparrow. Give it an hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye open, and there'll be white sails on that horizon!
Jack Sparrow: [Walking to the other end of the island, mocking Elizabeth] "It must have been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack, must have been terrible-" Well, it bloody well is now!! [Seeing Norrington's ship offshore] There'll be no living with her after this.
Will: Jack!
Barbossa: It's not possible.
Jack Sparrow: Not probable.
Will: Where's Elizabeth?
Jack Sparrow: She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington just like she promised, and you get to die for her just like you promised. So we're all men of our word, really... except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman.
Barbossa: I must admit, Jack, I thought I had you figured. But it turns out you're a hard man to predict.
Jack Sparrow: Me, I'm dishonest. And a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for. Because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.
Barbossa: So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound, hm?
Jack: Or you could surrender.
[Jack shoots Barbossa]
Barbossa: [To Jack] Ten years, ya carry that pistol, and now you waste your shot.
Will: He didn't waste it. [Drops coin in chest, lifting the curse]
[Barbossa opens shirt, revealing bloodstained shirt]
Barbossa: I feel...cold. [Dies]
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