Question

[Epsilon]

This question is somewhat simple, and you may find it a little strange...

I would like to know, what do you think makes a good husband?

I'm asking for a couple of reasons. Firstly, of late I have been thinking a lot about marriage... This year while I was at Bible school I made a commitment not to get involved with girls so I could focus on more important things. (Aside from the fact that I didn't think I was ready to date anyway) So, my time is nearly up, and my commitment nearly over. As such I'm begginning to consider myself elligible again (it's easier not to think about girls if you consider yourself inelligible).

Naturally I would like to have a fantastic wife, but doesn't a fantastic wife deserve a fantastic husband? Reading the letter that Malohaut posted reminded me of this as well. We all seem to have our lists of what we are looking for in the opposite sex, or what the perfect mate would be like. The problem is, everyone seems to be looking for the perfect person, but no one is trying to be the perfect person... no wonder they are so hard to find. (I especially feel sorry for my girl friends when I look at my guy friends and realize what they have to pick from)

I think that the men are supposed to be the leaders in the home, and frankly, I think that we are doing a poor job. (not every man, but many) Why is it that nearly everywhere I go the women in general are leagues ahead of the men spiritually?

My desire is towards marriage, that is something I can't deny. So the reason why I'm asking this question is so I can grow myself, and be a truly admirable husband one day. I also hoped it might inspire a little bit of thought in you other men.

The opinion of you married men is especially welcome. And women also. (although I haven't seen many of our ladies posting on here lately)

 

[Jasmina]

This is a great subject and I wish I would hear men talk of this one more. Since Blednnyn doesnt post much I'll reply for him. A few years back the Lord led him to study what the Lord expected of him as a husband. Our church had been pounding on womens responsibilities to their husbands and he felt how could he ask me to live up to my responsibilities if he didnt even know what his were.

He discovered that just as the Lord commanded women to honor and obey their husbands he had also given a commandment to the men. Its found in Eph. 5:25-33

"25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. "

So then Blednnyn (Harold) thought well if I have been commanded to love my wife what exactly does it mean to love her? People say they love people everyday without even knowing what it really means. So then he studied I Corinthians 13:1-13

"1: If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

2: And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3: If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4: Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;

5: it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

6: it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

7: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8: Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

9: For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;

10: but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.

11: When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

12: For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.

13: So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. "

These 2 scriptures alone changed our marriage. We have been together going on 15 years 12 of them married. Yes we've had our hard times and have gone through many of lifes tough lessons. But I can say I love my husband and it is easy to be submissive to his leadership as the bible teaches because I know he loves me.

2 other really good verses are:

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being HEIRS TOGETHER of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered

Always keep that in mind. I ve seen many christian marriages fall apart because scriptures being taken to far in a literal sense while ignoring others. Both the husband and the wife are equal heirs in the kingdom of God and become 1. not 1 over the other. Love each other, value each other, respect each other, include each other. A marriage is a team event. Just like Jesus sent his disciples out 2 by 2 to witness. neither being greater or of more value then the other. So has he built marriage.

Well Im rambling now and we need to hea doff to work soon. Hope this helps some. God bless!

 

[LionOfJudah]

Honestly dude as a guy also in a similar boat to yours...

I think to be a good husband first you need to be a good man. What are the ways of your heart? i know i look at myself (now and when i am married) First my walk and relationship with God is going to be first. Any woman i think needs to understand that, as do we. I expect my wife to value her relationship with the Lord more than me. ( i could just be young and headstrong/naive).

What makes a good husband? i dont know i think it is different for each man, but if we adhere to Gods word, and do our best to live our lives for Him... i think it will all work out in the end ( ecspecially if she is a Christian too)

 

[Malohaut]

(Great posting Jaz!!)

One thing I like to tell people is that the best way to find a good Christian woman is to first seek God. The more you improve your relationship with Him, and the more you put your search and your heart in His hands, the better the results. After all, God can find someone and arrange the timing far better than you could possibly do on your own. So seek God, trust in His timing, and listen to when He calls you to her.

So what do you do when you find that special someone? Well, first and foremost, be yourself. There is absolutly no need for you to try and be something she wants. If she doesn't like who you are now, then she won't change much during marriage.

If by being yourself and by her being herself you like each other, then you must begin to build your relationship on Christ. Offer to pray for her. Share scripture with her. Do a bible study with her. (Christian women love that stuff.) Be trusting in her and have compassion on her. Listen to her worries without judgement or anger, and trust yourself to share your worries with her. (Don't rush this. Just let the sharing happen in the proper time when you both feel comfortable enough to.)

And pray! Most importantly pray to God and seek His wisdom and His guidance. You don't want to rush things, but you want to do things righteously in His ways and in His timing.

As the relationship develops, it is important to set your heart's priorities. Jesus Christ/God/Holy Spirit should be the first and foremost priority of your heart. And let her know this right from the start. She must be your second priority, to love her and lift her up in scripture as Christ did the church. Then, your service to God's people comes next. I say this because its important to give her your attention, to spend quality time with her, and to share God with her.

That's pretty much the extent of my experience, as I don't fully know the relationships that come with actual marriage. For that, its best to study Jaz's post above.

But the foundation in Christ should always be there, both in meeting, in dating, and in marriage. You should share in prayer, in scripture, and in fellowship in all senarios. For only in Christ can you have the kind of love and fellowship that God intended!

 

[Icthus]

**Applauds Jazmina's post**

**Prays for a while before posting**

I have a great deal I could say, but want to wait. I will post later this afternoon.

 

[Odale]

Bud, i wish i had your will power...

Even though i cannot answer much of your original question i must say that i agree on your views of the men not doing a fantastic job this day and age. Whom ever your wife to be is, they will get a great husband.