Boundaries
PoC,
Repetition, repeat, repeat repeat. Those with challenges need to know boundaries, and one thing I have learn with working with the challenged, is there is nothing wrong with tell someone, “we do not behave that why here.”
Example, if my challenging friend called me at 2 am. And I already expressed that I do not take calls after 10pm (Which I do not unless someone is bleeding out the eyes)
I would say “Is this and emergency”, and if they tried to side track it with anything else, I would repeat myself until they told me yes or no, most likely its no.
Then I would say “Then I will call you in the morning” and hang up. If he called 100 times I would repeat this process. (I did a semester as a Special education teacher and have two adopted family members with RAD , Reactive attachment disorder- Talk about challenges)
In the morning I would call and explain to my friend that you can not call after such a time. But you have to be firm and not let them “talk over” you. While being polite and caring. Rules are rules
Plus you might have to make rules for being friends. Even fully challenging people can adjust to basic rules, and you will have to allow “reasonable exceptions” for behavior he or she can not control.
But if they continue to disrespect or continue with unacceptable behavior, you may need to set a form of consequences for misbehavior. ( like not hanging out, nothing else, do not hit them, or call them names. THIS WOULD BE WRONG!)
If your friend throws his peas at you in a nice restaurant. Next time he asks to hang out, you may have to say “No, bud, last time we hung out you acted in such a way. So I think I will hang out alone tonight.” Or whatever the case may be.
Being a friend does not mean being abused or taken advantage of. There are plenty of books with awesome advice at the bookstore with great ideas dealing with challenging friends, they are worth the read.
But you need to set boundaries and stick with them. If your friend is challenging, explain it to him, explain the how you will have to not hang out with him when he acts a certain way and stick to your guns.
FIRST sit down by yourself and write out the annoying behaviors, maybe time away from your friend when he continues to take advantage of you.
Maybe its just staying away and saying why don’t you call me tomorrow” Then just walk away, not upset or in a huff, but as a consequence of misbehavior. In fact you may want to try that at first. If your friend continues to annoy you , you have to decide if you wish to continue to hang with him. But don’t jump the gun, but do not be taken advantage of either. There is nothing wrong with bailing, when My friends hang out and do things I do not approve of I excuse myself, and they understand. Friends understand.
Good luck, if you want PM me, talk to a trusted adult or mature friend, and hit the library the are plenty of books with dealing with people with challenges.
PS Oh yea, do not get upset ewith the situation, your friend apparently have challenges, so if you set boundires and ahere to them, if will save you stress and if your friend vaules you company he will respect those boundries. If he doesn't, or can not do not hate him, just accept that you can be a friend by not being taken advantage of too.
I have friends today I will talk to on the phione or see on the street, but I always decline hanging out with them because there behavoir I do not approve of. Good Luck and Pray
