Tech Support

CCGR

CCGR

Member
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer" Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
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Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
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Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
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Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
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Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
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Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"
Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)
Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"
Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."
Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now.
You need to-"
Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just
have to try a few times, and it will let me through."
Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now
because you're on the phone with me."
Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery
store."
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Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer:" Pentium."
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
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Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem.
We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
 
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My m8 used to work for a tech support line and has many such stories... Liek the person who used the CD drive as a cup holder etc....The funniest one though is this....

Customer: I have a new pc, My pc wont turn on...
tech: are you sure all the cables are plugged in correctly?
customer: im not sure.. how do i check?
tech: first check all the plugs are in (etc etc..) that all the cables are in the back of the computer...
customer: (after long wait).. i cant see where the cables go..
tech: why not?
customer: its dark...
tech: have u turned a light on so you can see behind the pc?
customer: oh no that wont work.. we just had a power cut...

i kid you not that is a true story...
 
Thats was funny.  
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Where did you find this at or did you make it up yourself? Hey rizz i jut noticed we posted at the exact same time
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LOL CCGR,nothing makes the ribcage hurt more than to listen to a few good tech support stories. One of our biggest products is fishfinders. Here's a tech story that we all loved..

customer:I think there's something wrong with this fishfinder I bought.

tech:What seems to be the problem sir?

customer:It doesn't show any fish on the screen.

tech:Did you place the transducer on the back of the boat like the manual showed?

customer:Yes I did.

tech:Did you run the power cord to a battery that wasn't sharing a trolling motor?

customer:YES!

tech:Does the unit come on and show you a menu like the one in the book?

customer:YES! Look,I'm tired of you treating me like some kind of inbread southern illiterate that can't read simple directions! Can you just help me find out why my fishfinder doesn't show any fish?

tech:Sorry sir,I didn't mean it to sound like that.

customer:Just so you know I am an engineer for Livermore Labs and I have developed a lot more complex hardware and software than all your engineers could ever hope too!

tech:I believe you sir

customer:So now that you know who you're dealing with can we please get on with the real problem here?

tech:You bet sir. When and where did you use it last?

customer:I'm using it right now!

tech:OK,can you tell me where you are?
(the tech is thinking he's on his boat somewhere calling him from a cell phone right now)

customer:I'm in the upstairs bedroom!

tech:So you have a really big boat then huh?

customer:No,just a 20 foot shoreliner I bought a couple of weeks ago.

tech:And it has an upstairs bedroom?

customer:There you go,trying to make me look stupid again! I'M IN THE UPSTAIRS BEDROOM OF MY HOUSE!

tech:So where is your boat?

customer:It's parked next to my house you twit!

tech:And it's sitting in water?

customer:NO,it isn't sitting in water! I said it's parked next to my house!

tech:I don't understand!

customer:Then let me explain it so your simple mind can understand,ok? I bought a new boat and decked it out with all the best equipment. Being the intelligent kind of person I am I want to check out everything first before I put it in the water for the first time. I wrapped a wet towel around the transducer and turned the unit on. That's when I noticed that it didn't show any fish on the screen! Then I called you. Can you help me or not?

tech:Have you ever considered moving down south sir?

customer:I'm not taking your abuse anymore,I want to talk to the president of your company!

tech:I'm sorry sir but he's on the other line right now trying to explain to some rocket scientist why his portable fishfinder won't work in the bathtub.

click..
 
The intelligence in one area (the proverbial rocket scientist!?) is more than balanced out in other areas.. such as "common" sense?
 
Do you want to know the really funny part crazy_legs? We all are guilty of doing the same darn thing at one time or another! So when we laugh at others for doing something we deem stupid we are actually laughing at ourselves!

mycatz2fat-live's a hoot,ain't it?-
 
I used to work for a software company, and I still do some things for them occasionally. *Cough* free publicity from me will now appear *cough*. www.idealss.com


Anyways, I had to deal with older customers who were not comfortable with computers, or with people who just didn't bother to learn anything because it took too much time.

Many times I'd have to mute my phone so the customers wouldn't hear me cracking up. Some of the questions they asked were just rediculous...

"Hey, do I need to turn my computer on if I'm going to install this software?"

"Um....Where's the start button again??"

"Hey, my computer just grunted at me. I think it's pissed off...Maybe I should leave it alone....." I laughed, imagining an old hard drive crankin' along as they do.

A good one that my friend Dick told me over in hardware....

"Hey, Dick, I opened up my computer to put in this new hard drive like you told me. And uh....well, I took out this little thing...it's black...and when I took it out, it has all these prongs all over them...They're golden colored. I threw it away cause it looked dirty. Was it important?"

Dick then proceeded to just hang up the phone.


Van
 
Yup sounds like it. (now why did i forget what a processor looks like?) What i wanna know is did he touch the prongs? And where was his heatsink?
 
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