I went on a mission trip a few years ago... before I really understood what it meant to be a Christian. I hadn't made a confession of faith, hadn't been baptized, never read the Bible, etc. Tim, my partner at work just asked if I would come along to chaperon. At the time, my wife's faith was a bit weak, and she was on my case about going. To be honest, I couldn't explain why I even wanted to go. I just felt like it was something I had to do. (Looking back, it was completely a "God thing.")
The very day that we got there, I noticed a homeless person in the alley behind the church we were staying in. As we were carrying in everyone's stuff, I just kept noticing this guy. He didn't approach us, he didn't seem to notice or care that we were there, carrying around all this stuff, laughing, carrying on, and having a good time.
About an hour later, we had our introduction class, where the host talks about street safety, what to expect during the week, the projects we were going to be working on, the church that we were there to help, the basics of the community, etc. About 15 minutes in, I kept hearing a voice in my head that repeated "feed him" over and over. It was quiet at first, but kept getting louder as I tried to ignore it. I thought I was losing my mind. But it got louder and louder, to the point that all I could hear in a room full of people was "FEED HIM! FEED HIM! FEED HIM!" being repeated, as if someone was standing right in front of my face screaming at the top of their lungs.
I was completely freaked out at this point, certain that I was crazy. But I basically made a deal....with myself? I thought to the voice in my head that if it would stop, I would go ask the host about getting food for the homeless guy in the alley. Immediately the voice went silent. I was still terrified at this point to say anything to anyone. Since I hadn't read the Bible, I didn't know that God could still speak to people like that... but I kept my "promise". I told the host what I experienced, and asked what I should do. She chuckled a little and said, "I suppose you should go down to the kitchen and get him something to eat."
So I got some food, took it to the man, and offered it to him. He looked like it meant all the world to him to have a few pieces of fruit, grain bars, and a glass of clean water to drink. Unfortunately, I knew I was short on time, so I didn't strike a conversation with him. But it felt so awesome to find someone that was actually in need, and make a difference.
What really messed with me, even after the voice in my head... was that nobody else from our group ever saw this guy. 25 of us walked past him half-a-dozen times, and I was the only person that saw him. That had to be another "God thing".
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Later that week, we had a day titled "ATL" on the schedule. They didn't prep us (those that had been there before knew what was coming, but didn't bother to let the rest of us in on what was going to happen). We all met down in the common area and they explained that "ATL" stood for Ask The Lord. We had an open day on the schedule that was meant to do whatever it was we felt God was moving us to do.
I was scared. I mean, really scared. Here I was, not even really a Christian, and I was supposed to ask God to "show" me what to do? And I was to expect an answer? Ugh.
But we had this big group prayer time that lasted about 10 minutes. We asked for God to give us each an idea of what we were supposed to do. I prayed, and I meant it. I was expecting to hear something again. Or maybe get an urge to go back to the soup kitchen, or....something. Instead, I got an image in my head of this weird set of stairs. It was a set of old stairs, leading up to a building. They were on the corner, and they were rounded so they were wide at the bottom, narrow at the top - and they were covered in little pebbles. There was a block wall on each side, with a dirty-looking handrail. The third step up from the bottom had a chunk missing. My description doesn't do it justice, but I can still picture the stairs clearly in my mind.
But anyway, everyone got something different. One person heard water, Kyle felt like he was supposed to stay and read the Bible, Andrew saw the word "LOVE", one person saw the subway tunnel, one person saw a fountain, one person heard a crowd of people... So we tried to make sense of what each of us were told. The leaders told Kyle to stay back and read, and decided that the rest of us would take then subway downtown to where the most people would be. We assumed that the subway trains were (#1) on the list of things God was leading us to. It would be a giant puzzle that all fit together - everyone had a different piece, but it all would fit together for....something.
Now before I go further into what happened, it is important to the OP's questions to understand something very important. Many of us had never been to this city, even some of the ones that had been there had never been to parts of the city that we were going to go to that day. I had never been there - I was 400 miles from home, in a strange city, experiencing things I couldn't understand, wondering the whole time if I had lost my mind. That was my perspective leading up to the prayer session at 10am on Friday morning. Because to me, being a Christian was all about being "holier than thou", going to church every Sunday and being bored through a sermon... then throwing a couple of bucks in a plate before going back to living life however they wanted.
Back to the story. As we walked to the train, I was watching for stairs. A lot of them were similar, but none we just right. This picture was so clear to me that I assumed that I had seen the stairs before, and it was just another step to getting to where we were supposed to go. But nothing... So we get on the train and head downtown. Immediately after leaving the subway station, we start hearing water (piece #2). As we came out, we were looking right at a fountain (piece #3). As we looked around to decide which way to go, we saw a giant piece of 3d art that said LOVE (piece #4). So we walked to the square where it was located... as we got closer, we heard the din of the crowd (piece #5). At this point, we all stopped and tried to figure out what to do next. One person (Jonathan) said he couldn't explain it, but he felt like we were supposed to go one direction (piece #6). Another person, nearly the same time, felt like we were supposed to go another direction. So we broke up into two groups and headed out. I went with Jonathan's group so there would be enough adults in each set.
Now from this point, I can't tell you what happened with the other sub-group. My head was swimming from what was happening with my group. Cody had been very quiet to this point, but said he got some weird feeling about playing board games. He was in the same boat I was - his faith was being stretched by everything going on. But as we walked the way that Jonathan felt he was being led, we ended up in the center of downtown, where a concrete park had been set up... full of classic board game pieces (piece #7). So we stopped and played a few minutes. We set back out as John and I still hadn't figured out what our things were all about. John saw a set of chevrons... similar to the ones you might see on a military uniform (although he said they were upside down and red, instead of green or black). We saw a sign down the street for a military recruiting center (couldn't tell you which branch of the military, at this point), so we went down to where that was... but John said the chevrons on the door weren't right. As we looked around, I noticed a parking garage, with flashing red lights on an arrow board that marked the entrance. When I pointed them out, he got all excited and said that was the picture had had envisioned - piece #8. We start walking the 3 or 4 blocks to the parking garage (with no idea what we were going to do next) and we pass a church. Not a big deal in the city.... until I look back, and I see the third step is broken, on the left side of the rounded stairs, coated in pebbles, with a dirty-looking handrail.
I froze. I'm sure I looked like a fool - standing there with my mouth agape, just staring at the broken spot on the stairs. These were the stairs. These were my stairs. Piece #9. I wasn't crazy after all. But I was confused. How could I have seen these stairs in my head? I had never been there before. It wasn't a big church... just a little building in the center of town where the skyscrapers loomed over head.
So the group stopped and waited on me. I would guess that I stood there for about 5 minutes. I finally snapped out of it, and asked if anyone else saw, heard, or felt anything... nobody... so we stopped, offered a prayer of thanks for leading us to that point, asking what we were supposed to do next. Nothing. I looked at my watch, got a little nervous because we were a long way from the meeting point, and we didn't have much time. So we hurried back, my mind reeling the whole time.
It was weird for me. I wanted God to use me, to do something with me, show me something... and for a while, I felt let down because God took us all the way to that church, and then the trail just ended. I wondered if the group split up wrong and someone else was supposed to come with us? I wondered if we took too long to get there and missed whatever we were supposed to do? Several possibilities ran through my head.
When we met back up with the other half of the group, we got on the train to head back out to where we were staying, everyone excited about what was going on. But I was still confused. It must have been pasted all over my face, because Debbie (Tim's wife) asked me what was bothering me. So I told her about what happened with our group. She already knew where I was, spiritually. We had talked a lot about it during the week. I hadn't said much to anyone besides Tim & Debbie, but I got the feeling that they all knew. But while we were sitting there talking about that day's events, she stopped and (I assume) prayed for a moment. She opened her eyes and asked, "Have you considered that God took you to those stairs, just to prove that He is real?"
Of course not.
This was, in essence, a series of real-life mini-miracles with no other simple explanation. Sure, I could have been set up, but the other people that hadn't been there - they seemed as genuinely surprised as I had been to see and hear their actual places/sounds. And they were as convinced as I was that they had seen/heard the exact thing a few hours before, 10 miles away in an old church fellowship hall. God had lined up miracle after miracle - nine of them, in fact - just to prove to me how real and powerful He really is. And that He does speak to us. And that He does grant us visions. And that He can speak to our hearts to lead us where He wants us to go. And that He can do anything, but chooses to use us.
While were were downtown, all I wanted to know was "What next?" I was so firmly grounded in my unfaithfulness, that I couldn't even see that I was the point. I was the mission that He put us to. I was the task. I was the goal to be reached. I didn't reach Him, He reached me.
How did I know that it was God working, and not something of my own desire? I had no desire to go with a bunch of teenagers on a trip, leave my wife at home for a week, and sing campfire songs, get preached at, serve dinner to the homeless, or wander lost around downtown Philly. Left to my own desires, I would have been home in my cozy bed, avoiding the summer heat in my air conditioning, eating takeout from one of my favorite restaurants. That's how I knew it was God taking control of everything.
