just found this hiding on an old drive buried deep in my documents forlder... if any of you played vanilla.. this should give you a chuckle... I tried to clean up the 1 or 2 things I found... it was someones idea of a class overhaul/Patch notes... Hope you all chuckle...
Rogue -> 10L im l337 THIEFF NINJA- Going to be grossly over powered, with stealth 100x more undetectable (which is meaningless because infinity x 100 = infinity anyway). Gets things like Kick <Censored!>, which is the improved version of kidney shot, where the target is dealt MASSIVE damage that is ALWAYS a crit, and stuns the enemy for up to 30 seconds. Though the ability only works on males characters, fear not. They also get "YOU'RE FAT", the improved version of cheap shot, which forces the woman into a noah's arc like rainstorm of tears, stunning the female for months until she develops anorexia nervosa and suffers permanent weight and stat loss, especially stamina and spirit. Whenever the aren't tapping sacks or offending women they are flipping out and killing people. ALL THE TIME.
Warrior -> Warrior with slightly better armor -Nothing really changes except they get an axe that's speed is 25, and has a damage range of 1000 ~ 2000. And armor that increases their HP by 12,000, AP to where all physical damage is basically meaningless, and spirit so high all damage can be recovered before the warrior can scratch his <Censored!>, charge and tap mortal strike. but they don't really get buffed at all... nope...
Hunter -> Beastial Masters - OMG EW. additionally they can now equip any and all equipment, especially equipment they don't need. any non-hunter gear automatically has a 75% advantage to the hunters roll.
Mages -> Crybabies - They get to conjure tissues now. We realize now that nothing will ever satisfy mages, so instead we're just gonna let em cry about it, and instead of stopping the crying, we're just going to deal with the crying. with conjurable tissues. So cry about it. k? oh and we'll add more +damage gear, with less int of course. CRY ABOUT IT. thats what the tissues are for. click -> vrrrr -> plink! -> you've created tissues, FOR YOU TO CRY IN.
Priests -> Lords of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - We found that their ability to melt faces was being used inadequately. Priests now get a class specific cooking recipe [Grilled Cheese Sandwich]. With enough skill it is also rumored that one may learn to create [Grilled Face Sandwiches] and also possibly [Grilled <censored!>Sandwiches]... huh?
Paladins -> Super Cannon Fodder - Are now immune to all damage but cannot deal damage either. DPS has been reduced by a grand total of 14.5. Hearthstone cooldown reduced to 15 minutes. Oh and by the way we meant immune to all damage... EXCEPT damage from Shamans lol.
Shamans -> God - No changes except name made. We thought it more fitting. BOW DOWN MORTALS.
Warlocks -> {REMOVED}
Druids -> Hippy - Become truly one with nature, embracing veganism, yoga, unimaginable stenches and hairy females. Destroy enemy towns by publicly defecating on their territory and "marking" it as your own. You're healing powers are also greatly enhanced with abilities like "holistic bull****". where you sell bogus herbs and remedies to unsuspecting buyers and then use the money to go to the hospital for real treatment.
Rogue -> 10L im l337 THIEFF NINJA- Going to be grossly over powered, with stealth 100x more undetectable (which is meaningless because infinity x 100 = infinity anyway). Gets things like Kick <Censored!>, which is the improved version of kidney shot, where the target is dealt MASSIVE damage that is ALWAYS a crit, and stuns the enemy for up to 30 seconds. Though the ability only works on males characters, fear not. They also get "YOU'RE FAT", the improved version of cheap shot, which forces the woman into a noah's arc like rainstorm of tears, stunning the female for months until she develops anorexia nervosa and suffers permanent weight and stat loss, especially stamina and spirit. Whenever the aren't tapping sacks or offending women they are flipping out and killing people. ALL THE TIME.
Warrior -> Warrior with slightly better armor -Nothing really changes except they get an axe that's speed is 25, and has a damage range of 1000 ~ 2000. And armor that increases their HP by 12,000, AP to where all physical damage is basically meaningless, and spirit so high all damage can be recovered before the warrior can scratch his <Censored!>, charge and tap mortal strike. but they don't really get buffed at all... nope...
Hunter -> Beastial Masters - OMG EW. additionally they can now equip any and all equipment, especially equipment they don't need. any non-hunter gear automatically has a 75% advantage to the hunters roll.
Mages -> Crybabies - They get to conjure tissues now. We realize now that nothing will ever satisfy mages, so instead we're just gonna let em cry about it, and instead of stopping the crying, we're just going to deal with the crying. with conjurable tissues. So cry about it. k? oh and we'll add more +damage gear, with less int of course. CRY ABOUT IT. thats what the tissues are for. click -> vrrrr -> plink! -> you've created tissues, FOR YOU TO CRY IN.
Priests -> Lords of Grilled Cheese Sandwiches - We found that their ability to melt faces was being used inadequately. Priests now get a class specific cooking recipe [Grilled Cheese Sandwich]. With enough skill it is also rumored that one may learn to create [Grilled Face Sandwiches] and also possibly [Grilled <censored!>Sandwiches]... huh?
Paladins -> Super Cannon Fodder - Are now immune to all damage but cannot deal damage either. DPS has been reduced by a grand total of 14.5. Hearthstone cooldown reduced to 15 minutes. Oh and by the way we meant immune to all damage... EXCEPT damage from Shamans lol.
Shamans -> God - No changes except name made. We thought it more fitting. BOW DOWN MORTALS.
Warlocks -> {REMOVED}
Druids -> Hippy - Become truly one with nature, embracing veganism, yoga, unimaginable stenches and hairy females. Destroy enemy towns by publicly defecating on their territory and "marking" it as your own. You're healing powers are also greatly enhanced with abilities like "holistic bull****". where you sell bogus herbs and remedies to unsuspecting buyers and then use the money to go to the hospital for real treatment.
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