Baddwin
New Member
Vunderlord= terified of being a dad
so pray for me!!!
Fatherhood is certainly to be respected and approached with caution and seriousness, but terror is certainly not warranted. =) I'm a dad 3 times over, and while it's been one of the harder things I've done at times, it's certainly been one of the biggest blessings of my life!
A few words of wisdom (such as it is...) in stream of consciousness fashion:
Don't seek to be primarily your children's friend. It's a wonderful thing to be friendly with them, but when your role as a 'friend' conflicts with your role as a 'father', remember - your kids will have hundreds of friends, but they'll only have one father. Being a dad comes first. (However, with that said, play with them lots!)
In a similar vein, don't feel the need to win your child's affection. God created them with an intense desire to have your approval. You don't need to 'convince' them to like you. They do that on their own. Rather, win your child's respect. Live in a way that you could echo Paul in saying, "Follow me as I follow Christ." It's a tall order, but it's what our kids need.
Children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. You will quickly learn that (Our own kids are always geniuses. Have you ever heard a parent say "That's my Johnny. He's dumb as a stump and dog ugly. Takes after me."?
) Children also live up or down to your expectations of them. Expect them to behave. Teach them right from wrong, require obedience, and expect it of them. That's not to say that they won't make mistakes. Of course they will. However, show them with words and actions that your standards are high, and that you know that they are smart enough and wise enough to meet them. God did not create them to be mediocre. It's a fine line, though. It could be easy to be over-demanding in this area, just as it's easy to put it off until later. Both are mistakes. I can't believe parents who wait until their kids are 4 or 5 before they start teaching them what's expected. If you wait that long, you're about 3-4 years too late. I guess I'm saying, teach them well, expect high standards, enforce high standards, but encourage your kids that those standards are reachable. And cover it all in a lot of grace!Be your kid's biggest cheerleader. Love on them, hug them, touch them, tell them how much you love them, encourage their strengths and verbalize to them what you see as their strengths, tell them (lots!) how proud you are of them. As fathers, we play such a vital role in helping our kids to establish their self image. God gave mothers and fathers very different roles, and both are critically important to your kids' healthy development. Don't shy away from your role. We show them how to play and have fun. We encourage them to seek adventure and push the boundaries of what they think they are capable of. We encourage them to reach beyond themselves. And when they fall, as will happen from time to time, we put them back on their feet, brush them off, and send them back at it. We help them to see that failure is only temporary, and is to be learned from, not to be feared. Scraped knees heal. I'll tell you now, at times you're going to make your wife cringe - that's OK. She's the protector, you're the adventure guide. Encourage her in her role, for it's important too, but make sure you balance one another, and don't be afraid to 'be dad'.
Know now that we are imperfect people, and so we will be imperfect fathers. We can't help it. God, though, is their Perfect Father. Trust them to Him. Let go. It's scary, but you can't hold on to them while placing them in His hands. Trust that He can do His job better than you can do it for Him. You will see God in amazing ways as He works in and through your children. You will learn things that you never imagined before you became a father. One of the ways I feel most loved by God now is when I see Him working in the lives of my kids. I can't describe it to one who hasn't been there, but it's one of the most powerful thngs I've ever experienced in my life. Be sure to make room for Him to truly be in control, even though it can take you to some scary places. It's more than worth it.
When you look down into that crib and see your infant daughter sleeping there for the first time, and that 'Oh my goodness, what have I just gotten into' feeling hits, and you say, "God, you trust me with THIS? What are you, crazy?!?" Trust that He knows what He's doing, and will equip you as you continue to seek after Him.
Welcome to the adventure. It's a ride you're pretty well stuck on once boarding, but I'd never trade it for anything!
(OK, so maybe that was more than a few words...)
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