Life...that thing that goes on between sessions of Guild Wars.

aka Ash said:
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying
of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could pay attention to the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world
is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire.

Who was the first person to look under a cow and say, "I think I'll
Squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes out of it's butt."

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Does pushing the elevator more than once make it arrive faster?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Click to expand...
OWW my sides hurt!
most of those are really good, i had to really try not to wake up everyone in the house from laughing.
 
"I must be better than you, because in the 'Currently Active Users' thing, MY name has a wacko-neato plus sign next to it! :D"
-me
 
Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my alphabet soup. It says "Oooooooooo."
Click to expand...

The UO geek in me resurfaced...saw that and thought "hmm, better turn Spirit Speak on" :)
 
Read this one a couple of times but thought I would share it incase you missed it traveling around email loop.

Kel Queen of all Europe

For those of you who have sons & those of you who are happy that you
don't.


You find out interesting things when you have sons, like

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite. (someone tell me how! =)

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and
a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling f an as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-
year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys
do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response
time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.
 
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