The funnies! :)

[b said:
Quote[/b] ]yes u do.
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(puts on the goldmember voice) Shmarty pants. (goes back to normal voice.) The answer is of course no. I cant use simple terms because they annoy me.  
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 Now Here is one to add to the list. Infact I think I will add a couple more. A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is the Crucifix."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, " My name is Tommy and I am Baptist and this is a casserole."
 
[b said:
Quote[/b] ]A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the county. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."
Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ..."

The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"
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[b said:
Quote[/b] ]The Advil Commandments

So Moses is up on Mount Sinai and he says to God, "God, do I have a pounding headache!"

And God says, "Here, take these two tablets."
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[b said:
Quote[/b] ] Rabbi and a Priest Buy a Car…

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.

After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.

A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied.

The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
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[b said:
Quote[/b] ]Adam’s Rib

In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as if he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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LOL!!! good sunday jokes. and im srry if ya'll get annoyed by us common folk that aint usein complimacated wordys like yourselfs :p
 
I SAT THERE FOR LIKE 20 MIN DOIN THAT. THAT IS THE BEST SITE EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
WARNING IF U ARE EASYLY OFFENDED DO NOT READ MY POST:







ok i just heard this joke and thought it was ok but hopefully easyly offended people are not reading. ok y are all the black people in the US while all the french people are in canada?






























We got first pick
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If Bill Gates were Jewish


1. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Ferklempt."
2. When you fill up your "C-drive," you will get a "Hard Drive is Shtupped" message.
3. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Dreidels".
4. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
5. CD-ROM's would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high compression DVBs (digital video bagels).
6. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button.
7. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already -You're killing me! You vant I should try it again? I didn't hear that!"
8. When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's tuchis."
9. Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!"
10. During Passover, your PC would not be able to read "leavened floppies".
11. "Microsoft Word" would be renamed to "Microsoft Kibbitz."
12. Microsoft Office would include "A little byte of this, and a little byte of that".
13. When running "scandisk", you will be prompted with a "You vant I should fix this?" message.
14. When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud "Oy!!!"
15. A "monitor cleaning solution" from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the "schmutz" on your monitor.
16. After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go "Schloffen."
17. Computer viruses would now be cured with chicken soup.
18. Solitaire would be replaced with on-line "Bingo" or "Mah-Jong."
19. Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right corner.
20. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
21. You would hear the tune "Hava Nagila" during startup.
22. "Year 2000" issues are replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues.
23. Bill Gates' official theme song would be "If I Were a Rich Man."
 
Odd Rabbi Out

These four rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and three were always in accord against the fourth. One day, the odd rabbi out, after the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a higher authority.

"Oh, God!" he cried. "I know in my heart that I am right and they are wrong! Please give me a sign to prove it to them!"

It was a beautiful, sunny day. As soon as the rabbi finished his prayer, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four. It rumbled once and dissolved. "A sign from God! See, I'm right, I knew it!" But the other three disagreed, pointing out that storm clouds form on hot days.

So the rabbi prayed again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I am right and they are wrong. So please, God, a bigger sign!" This time four storm clouds appeared, rushed toward each other to form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning slammed into a tree on a nearby hill.
"I told you I was right!" cried the rabbi, but his friends insisted that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural causes.

The rabbi was getting ready to ask for a VERY big sign, but just as he said, "Oh God...," the sky turned pitch black, the earth shook, and a deep, booming voice intoned, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The rabbi put his hands on his hips, turned to the other three, and said, "Well?"

"So," shrugged one of the other rabbis, "now it's 3 to 2."
 
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